when you asked me
to be best man
at your wedding
I didn’t realize
I had to embellish
the wild stories you told your niece
in my speech
but being your friend
I told of how you saved all of us
on the tour bus
from an alligator attack
in the Everglades
and on a fishing trip
battled pirates single-handedly
and thus saved the ship
Jimmy, old friend
the things we do for each other
so okay, the alligators
I can understand
I mean there were dozens of them
sunning themselves
and there could have been a feeding frenzy
the tour bus occupants being lunch
and you gallantly saving the day
bopping them on their snouts
kicking them back into the swamp
but pirates, Jimmy
outside Miami
that was a stretch
I did out of loyalty
for you
I did bring up those parking tickets
hundreds tumbling out of your…