buried here
in old regrets
the words
oh the words
never said
Month: January 2018
from The White Album by Joan Didion
Many people I know in Los Angeles believe that the Sixties ended abruptly on August 9, 1969, ended at the exact moment when word of the murders on Cielo Drive traveled like brushfire through the community, and in a sense this is true. The tension broke that day. The paranoia was fulfilled. In another sense the Sixties did not truly end for me until January of 1971, when I left the house on Franklin Avenue and moved to a house on the sea. This particular house on the sea had itself been very much a part of the Sixties, and for some months after we took possession I would come across souvenirs of that period in its history–a piece of Scientology literature beneath a drawer lining, a copy of Stranger in a Strange Land stuck deep on a closet shelf–but after a while we did some construction, and between power saws and the sea wind the place got exorcised.
I have known, since then, very little about the movements of the people who seemed to me emblematic of those years. I know of course that Eldridge Cleaver went to Algeria and came home an entrepreneur. I know that Jim Morrison died in Paris. I know that Linda Kasabian fled in search of the pastoral to New Hampshire, where I once visited her; she also visited me in New York, and we took our children on the Staten Island Ferry to see the Statue of Liberty. I also know that in 1971 Paul Ferguson, while serving a life sentence for the murder of Ramon Novarro, won first prize in a PEN fiction contest and announced plans to “continue my writing.” Writing had helped him, he said, to “reflect on experience and see what it means.” Often I reflect on the big house in Hollywood, on “Midnight Confessions” and on Ramon Novarro and on the fact that Roman Polanski and I are godparents to the same child, but writing has not yet helped me to see what it means.
at home
they say
it feels right
as if there is only one place
that feels right
when there really are more
all feeling right
at any given time
under any given set
of circumstances
timing
as they also say
is everything
and this time
or that time
any given time
finds a place that feels right
here now this
yesterday that
tomorrow who knows
enjoy each place
be at home wherever you are
and wherever you are
will be home
the secret in my heart
your pictures still surround me
in my den
and Mustafa when here
kept glancing back
at you on the bookcase
in the living room
without asking
who you are
but I know
keep you near
all these reminders of
the secret
in my heart
the little things
it’s the little things really
Jif’s crunchy peanut butter
Nature Valley granola bars
fresh ground coffee beans
my Baileys my Black Bush
the sound of a train
leaving a station
I could be anywhere
but I am here
with enough of the familiar
sprinkled amidst what once was
a foreign landscape
for me to settle back
in what has become home
“We read books to find out who we are… and may become.”
from Douglas Moore’s blog Art of Quotation
“We read books to find out who we are. What other people, real or imaginary, do & think & feel… is an essential guide to our understanding of what we ourselves are & may become.”
Ursula K. Le Guinn, writer, books
somewhat like Lear
that wind
ripping this world apart
and these memories
raging in me
“Politics is the gentle art of getting votes from the poor and campaign funds from the rich, by promising to protect each from the other.”
from Douglas Moore’s blog Art of Quotation
“Politics is the gentle art of getting votes from the poor and campaign funds from the rich, by promising to protect each from the other.”
In Memory: “The only questions that really matter are the ones you ask yourself.”
from Douglas Moore’s blog Art of Quotation
“The only questions that really matter are the ones you ask yourself.”
waiting for dawn
the wind moans
outside all night long
the cat clings
wrapped around my arm
my eyes stare
where the ceiling should be
waiting for dawn