The door is open,
the cricket is singing.
Are you going around naked
in the fields?

Like an immortal water,
going in and out of everything.
Are you going around naked
in the air?

The basil is not asleep,
the ant is busy.
Are you going around naked
in the house?

translated by Robert Bly

Once, when he was younger, he actually believed that he would change the world, but time and experience proved him wrong. And that was part of the reason for his leaving. He thinks he is still looking for something: a place, maybe, to fit in, to be able to kick off his shoes, perhaps get a dog again, and stare out at the sea. Any sea. At water lapping against rock, the sound of seagulls, sand under hıs feet, a clear sky overherad, and peace in his heart.

So there was this frog who hopped out of a pond one day as a lovely young princess was walking by. Because he could talk, he convinced the lovely princess that a curse was upon him. It seems this wicked witch, the frog explained, had, out of jealousy and spite, condemned him to this ugly shape until the day a lovely princess, like herself, would lift the curse by kissing him. Then, and only then, would he be restored to his original shape: that of a handsome, rich, well endowed young prince.

The lovely princess, having been raised on fairy tales, buys into the story, takes the frog into her soft, lily white hands, and kisses him with a passion even she did not know she possessed.

Lo and behold, nothing happens. The frog remains a frog .

The princess blinks, confused, and asks the frog what happened. He shrugs…

there are moments
when the past comes crashing
through the door
like some unruly relative
demanding attention
there are people I’d like to forget
but their ghosts refuse to listen
and they pop up in conversation
some trigger evoking them
collars turned up
cigarettes dangling from lips
hot stuff devils on biceps
eyes hooded, suspicious
they were not good boys
doing things not accepted
by codes other than their own
there is remorse in my heart
for deeds done, witnessed
scars that have faded in time
but still pencil thin lines remain
in places that substitute for a soul
some day atonement beyond what was given
will be expected
and all the good will be stacked up
against the bad
they understood this
did not care one way or the other
not believing in anything beyond the hell
they suffered through
and though there is no pity in my heart

he had a laugh
that came from deep in his belly
and a smile
that could light a room
he fell down my cellar stairs
drunk one New Year’s Eve
when I was playing Good Samaritan
not having been with them
but taking him in at the side door
they had nowhere else to go
Kevin said
please Lenny take Jack
and Jack wobbled
fell
no one holding him
blood coming out of his ear
the hospital
a concussion
he could have died
but he lived to work on cars
at Herman’s Garage
blocks away from my parents’ house
many years later
I found out from Herman’s grandson
that Jack was in Florida
a mechanic still
did he marry Concetta
does he still laugh from the belly
would he know what became of Kevin
my connection lost
by a few years
and several cars
I wonder some nights
I see…

Mr. Cool
always had that been there look
in his eyes
the way he could casually slouch
into a room
his hands open
a brown belt in taekwondo
before it became the rage
he had one helluva roundhouse kick
and did hyeongs to impress the girls
in the middle of the street
daring cars to hit him
no one saw him fight
but everyone assumed he would win
the undisputed champ
until he made a play for Judy
Kevin’s girl
and Kevin knocked on his back door
Hanley giving a smug smile as he stepped out
barefoot
that roundhouse kick in reserve
only he never got to throw it
and Kevin left him broken
bleeding in his own backyard
he dropped out of high school a week later
just three months shy of graduation
and joined the navy
submarine service
four years in ports of call
looking for his lost…

Margarita was ripe
before her time
at thirteen she was with the bad boys
causing Timmy Jessen’s downfall
and giving Jimmy Johnson one month of bliss
at fifteen she dated college boys
and though I was long gone
by her eighteenth year
I’m sure she married well
she once confessed to me
she did not want to end up
like her older sister Francine
handed off from the Galtieri brothers
to Tony Esposito
and then down the line
this in a moment of self-reflection
they all often had with me
but I do believe
she made it out
if anyone did
with fewer scars
and even less memories

it was the bop
a bounce on the balls of his feet
the arms swinging
the yo joe
he could stand for hours
concentrating on blowing bubbles
with his tongue
a circus trick
in the Parker Revue
he was what is called a stand-up guy
and I watched him stand up for others
always ready to defend a friend
he had, what Kevin called, heart
and once in some bar
he came flying across the room
pool cue a sword in his hands
to save Mike Velaquez in a brawl
and ended up with a glass in his face
forty-six stitches later
his badge of honor
I remember how he dressed first
tight dress pants
shirt open three buttons
crucifix around his neck
ankle high boots
jade east cologne
his hair combed and sprayed
he had to look his best
for the doctor and nurses
while they stitched his face

he barely reached five foot six
and weighed 120
until he started with the gym
those protein tablets
the banana shakes every morning
muscle sprouting all over
a 44 inch chest
17 inch arms
he could really kick ass
and loved to sit in bars
his baby face nursing a beer
until some big guy started crowding
then he would swing into action
and always seemed to win
he cried once
high on airplane glue and Thunderbird wine
his older brother dead
some freak accident
and all the muscles in the world
all the victories in bars
couldn’t help Kevin live up
to the brother’s ghost
in his father’s eyes