excerpt from NIGHT & DAY: the Overture

          The wedding ceremony is in Japanese, which under normal circumstances wouldn’t have bothered Nick so much, but since he is playing father of the bride, he feels a little bit at a disadvantage.  But the woman who seems to be in charge of what could only loosely be called a procession—Nick, the bride Miyo, and a flower girl—smiles a lot, bows frequently and keeps repeating his name with reverent tenderness, “Professor Grosso, Professor Grosso, Professor Grosso.”  He thinks of the trinity and though that doesn’t dispel any dark thoughts, it does keep him grounded in religious etiquette.

            So we watch him try not to stumble down the aisle as he accompanies Miyo to the bridegroom.  It’s then he notices the groom’s hair:  so thick and wavy.  He shudders slightly with nostalgia, remembering that he, too, once, long ago, had hair like that, and Nick resists the temptation to pat his balding head in a vain effort to relocate it.  Sensory recall, he would call it and he’d continue to explain how they do those types of exercises in the Acting I classes over in the Theatre Department he chairs.  But explaining it wouldn’t alter the fact that he is, at present, too busy grieving over that lost head of hair and musing over the fact that life was not fair.

            Instead, though, of dwelling on this, we see Miyo smiling sadly Hector’s way.  And Hector, being the good sport that he is, smiles tentatively back.  She tries hard to read hidden meanings in his smile but cannot, for the life of her, discern any.  It is an embarrassed smile, as if he is not sure exactly what he is doing here, or at least just what his role should be: friend, colleague, fellow immigrant, ex-lover, current reminder of a life almost lived.  She shudders slightly remembering the way he looked in the mornings, with the light slowly seeping into the bedroom and her eyes opening to him as his hand slid down across her breasts, along her abdomen, and finally came to rest between her legs, which also opened to him and that smile, that smile, that same sad smile lounging on her lips, that lounges there now, as if she were giving up all the secrets of her country to the barbarian horde.  And she wonders, we see, what kind of smile she will offer her husband now since he is not foreign but Japanese, too, and thus more familiar with the sighs, the words murmured, the smell of ginger in the air.  And Miyo’s smile turns rueful as she surveys the other guests from the college and finds herself speaking vows in her mother tongue which brings her back from what almost was to now.

            But meanwhile, back to Nick who surveys the guests other than Hector out of the corner of his eye, while trying hard to appear as if he is paying attention to the ceremony.  There is Sara, a young tutor who is acting, more or less, in the capacity of Hector’s date, and who can’t be more than just a few years out of high school herself.  And she is looking at Hector out of the corner of her eye and hopelessly pining away.  She can’t understand why he doesn’t look her way when she thinks she is so right for him because, as we all know, they both come from neighboring countries in South America and thus would easily understand each other.  Besides, although he thinks there’s an age difference and doesn’t consider her to be much more than a child, she is almost 21 years old and back home most girls her age would be, if not married already, at least proud mothers.  Not that she wants a baby yet, since she wants to finish college first,  but it does prove she is not too young to love and to be loved in return.  So our hearts quite naturally break for her as she tries so hard to keep hers from cracking right there in the church.

            And speaking of cracking, we must now turn to Vivian who cracks a smile at Jenny as they both begin the song “Ave Maria” requested by Miyo for her wedding.  Vivian’s hands caress the keyboards as Jenny’s voice floats over the assemblage and time stands still in this tiny congregational church.

            Nick notices Jeff, his protégé in the department, who is smiling thinking this is why he came, to witness these two perform, they are so perfect together, like a matching set, two halves of a whole, but he also can’t help but remember Jeff kidding him earlier by saying he is really there to watch Nick walk down the aisle as father of the bride even though he is light years from ever being a father of anything.  Of course, so is Jeff since neither ever became fathers.  Too absorbed in work to have kids, Doug would say, and yes, Nick would nod his head as if that were true.  Too absorbed to even look up to see a possible world outside the world they were so passionately engulfed in.

And yet, and yet as Jeff sits in his black suit and power red tie and gazes upon these two angels at work—Vivian on the keys and Jenny’s voice among the clouds—Nick continues to survey the gathering and thinks here all their worlds meet.  There is music and song and ceremony.  Dozens of languages spoken among the spectators of this, a Japanese wedding on Long Island attended by citizens of countries from both Americas, Europe, Asia, the Caribbean, and lands in between.  The foreigners outnumber the Japanese, who outnumber the native New Yorkers who view themselves as inhabitants of a third world nation within the boundaries of the United States.  And Nick smiles at what is, to him, true theatre.

            The minister then begins a sermon, part in what could be construed as faltering English but mostly in Japanese, and all the guests, including those who cannot understand him, which, in our eyes, is quite a few, listen attentively.  No one, except Jeff, who continues to gaze wistfully at Jenny, and Sara, who can’t help but furtively glance Hector’s way, lets their eyes waver as he speaks.  Nick even finds himself nodding on occasion, though he isn’t quite sure what he’s nodding about or to, and wonders if he should ask Miyo later or, better still, wait to ask Misook who, after all, did study art in Japan for a few years before coming to the U.S. and thus, even though she is Korean, knows Japanese as well as, if not better than, English.  And thinking of her then makes him wonder where she is right now and, as is often the case, he continues searching the gathering looking for her smile.

            And as he peruses the crowd for other familiar faces, he sees Ali sitting next to Doug who, he is glad to see, sits next to Misook who sits next to the theatre department office manager Gloria who sits next to a newly pregnant Rosalind who is silently debating whether to tell Nick about this new development in her life today or wait until tomorrow at school.  Her husband Stan was, quite naturally, elated but Nick is dependant on her, his senior set designer, and this soon to be new addition to her life will undoubtedly cause problems in the departmental workload.  And Rosalind, who has been working for Nick for nearly 10 years, feels a conflicted loyalty here.

Ali, of course, is not paying attention really, though Nick cannot surmise this, but is composing a poem in his head to his long lost sweetheart Sevda back in Turkey.  There is something about the way Miyo is standing, the weight slightly shifting to her left side, that reminds him of Sevda and he can’t help keeping the memories flooding back, the smell of coffee in the morning, the sunlight through the curtains, the sound of Istanbul stirring in his soul.  He would like to forget all that and stay grounded in America, but these memories, that woman, keep intruding on his new life here.  So he starts composing a poem, that he recites over and over again in order to commit it to memory for scribbling down later, in his head and temporarily forgets where he is.

            Doug, though, knows exactly where he is:  he is sitting next to Misook who is the most beautiful woman in the world as far as his best friend Nick is concerned.  He is breathing in her perfume, which he knows she collects, as he tries to concentrate on the ceremony unfolding before him.  But his mind, his thoughts, his conflicted emotions, are forever going back to Misook and what she represents:  femininity.  He wonders if and when he might be graced by someone like this in his life or if he will continue to walk unsteadily toward a solitary old age.  He could, perhaps, be saddened by these thoughts, especially since he is a spectator at a wedding, but instead he inhales the perfume and lets his mind wander back to glory days when scents such as this permeated his pillow and were his first sensory stimuli in the morning. And those thoughts account for the smile that plays on his lips.

            And Misook, what thoughts are whirling inside that head of hers?  Nick wonders.  So many images bump and collide, colors run, emotions swirl.  She is in turmoil in her mind while her face tries hard to remain focused on the bride, the groom, the ceremony.  But really, all she wants to do is kick off her sandals, shed her black silk dress for the short, pink dress she paints in, mix up some tubes of paint, grasp a knife to use instead of a brush, and begin to paint.  But no one really sees this.  All they see is a glacier face, so beautiful in its serenity, or at least what everyone takes for serenity, but which we know is a mask.  Only Nick knows her and suspects the raging spirit within.

            Gloria, meanwhile, fans herself while, Nick guesses, she rearranges the ceremony in her mind.  The seats first, he thinks she would think, need to be replaced.  They are just not comfortable enough.  And the lack of air conditioning in this small, confined space is really outrageous.  Those two fans are just a joke.  But Miyo could not look more beautiful, it just takes the entire congregation’s breath, as well as ours, away.  And her husband, Yugi, is a very handsome young man, but unfortunately most of Miyo’s friends have no idea what he is truly like since the only English he seems to know is “yes, yes” and “thank you so much”.  He does have a lovely smile, though, if not just a wee bit too childlike and benign.  And lips that are perhaps as full as Miyo’s own.

            Which brings us back to Miyo who is kissing the groom while Hector’s face flushes slightly, but no one notices, least of all Miyo, since they are all watching the bride, the groom, the first legal kiss.  Besides, it’s the heat that flushes his face, is it not, so hot, so stuffy here and only Nick, who sits with the wedding party by the minister’s altar has the benefit of what is possibly cross ventilation.  But the kiss is over—so short, so polite—and the singing of a hymn begins.

            Jenny’s voice floats across the small crowd like a soothing rain.  Watch Vivian’s hands glide over the keys, hear Jenny’s soprano caress the lyrics—“Here, There, Everywhere”—a Beatles’ love song from the sixties for a Japanese couple in the 21st Century in America.  And it is here that Nick, though he does not realize it yet, gets the idea that would haunt him, then later consume him so, right here during this ceremony and not later at the reception as he will one day tell it.  But here, now, gazing at all those ethnic faces as Jenny’s voice caresses the air, is the seed of all that will follow.

            And Gabriella, sitting next to Jeff, would later use Miyo as her inspiration for Tatiana rising in dance from the wedding night slumber with Bottom.

            But let’s not get ahead of ourselves and stay with Gabriella but go to Doug instead who watches her and finds himself wondering about her eyes.  He had never really noticed them before:  so watchful, so amused, so sad.  They seem to settle on parts of the room and take in every detail.  And then those very details seem to encumber them with a melancholy.  It is as if what they see they understand, and what they understand saddens them in her very soul.  The transient quality of life.  And this sadness he understands since life for him is one long funeral procession broken up intermittently with moments of joy like this wedding.  But here, in those eyes of Gabriella’s, he senses a kindred spirit and thinks he might have found a pair of eyes he could stare into without blinking.

            Misook, meanwhile, is wondering what Nick is thinking.  He probably would rather be wandering around his house in bathrobe and slippers, drinking his fourth cup of coffee and contemplating what tie will go with what shirt with what jacket before calling out to her to come and help him decide.  His fashion expert, he calls her, and she smiles thinking how she actually likes dressing him and takes partial responsibility for the improvement in his overall appearance since she began living in his house three years ago.  She is also proud of what he is doing:  being a stand-in for the father of the bride.  Another burden of his office—head honcho of the college’s theatre department:  father/godfather/uncle/big brother/friend as well as advisor/confessor and occasional banker/employer/teacher to the staff and students that pass through his program, who build his scenery, adjust his lights, act in his plays, charm and amuse him both on and off the stage of his life.

            But right now what passes through Nick’s consciousness is Jenny’s voice as it finishes the last notes of the hymn and Miyo and Yugi leave the room to climb the stairs and wait by the door to greet people.  He, too, is carried along, gently ushered by that matron attached to the minister who says something in Japanese to the followers and him and then waves her hands saying, “Professor Grosso, Professor Grosso.”  He nods, smiles, walks this way, that way, climbs stairs, stands dutifully next to a radiant Miyo and bows, smiles, shakes hands as guest after guest file past to the front yard outside.

            Miyo, of course, is beautiful.  That almost perfect smile, marred only by a crooked row of bottom teeth so characteristic of Japanese dental care, but which Hector found so endearing because it made her, for him, so more real than she could have ever been otherwise.  But, of course, it is that ethereal quality of hers, as if she were not quite of this world—so tranquil, so charmingly hypnotic that we gaze at her as we gaze at a Michelangelo sculpture—her physical form is that pure.  A slender figure but perfectly proportioned, skin like alabaster, black hair that softly cascades to her shoulders framing her face.  She is so beautiful as to be almost unreal except that she breathes and she smiles gently our way as the guests kiss her cheek and wish her well.

            But back to Nick who stands numbly staring past the line of well-wishers approaching, looking in vain for Misook who should be next to Doug but is not because Doug is there, kissing Miyo on the cheek and shaking Yugi’s hand and looking ever so bemusedly at Nick as he says, “Well Poppa, how does it feel to be giving away what you’ve never had?”

“It could be worse,” he says, smirking.  “I could be paying for all this.”

Doug laughs and is soon replaced by Jeff who, though he is shaking his hand, is not looking at him but back over his right shoulder past Gabriella and back toward Jenny who is making her way slowly toward the door.  But before that quite registers with Nick, Jeff turns to say, “Aren’t you the grand old man?” and they both smile at each other, Nick nodding, someone chuckling, it must be Jeff because Nick knows it is not him.

            But Gabriella caught sight of Doug’s eyes and knows instinctively that this man is somewhere else even if he is standing next to Jeff.  And she wonders about that but decides to not dwell on it here, but to log this insight in the back of her mind and resolves to find out more about this man as the day, the week, the semester continues.  Now, though, she moves from Miyo to Nick, grasps his hand and says, “Well boss, this time you are an actor, not the director of the show.”

            “Ah yes,” and he smiles.  “And was I convincing?”

            “Very,” she says.  “Now everyone, not just Misook, will be calling you poppa.”

            Nick rolls his eyes and sighs dramatically.  “God forbid.”

            And Gabriella laughs as she moves off to the front yard with Jeff as the line continues.

            And now we can see Hector approach Miyo in the line.  Though he shakes Yugi’s hand, he only has eyes for Miyo, only sees her teeth reflecting light, blinding him to all else.  And as he takes her hand in his to wish her happiness, he leans over to kiss the bride, wanting those full lips on his, that tongue exploding in his mouth, but only grazes the proffered left cheek.  And as he straightens, their eyes meet and much history flows between them.  It could be us, he says with his eyes and she answers yes, but it isn’t, and both are unsure just who’s at fault here.  Her, him, timing, language.  Surely not the sex, and his mind flashes on her arching back, her slightly parted lips, the heavy breathing, and something he hoped would lie dormant stiffens there between his pants pockets.  Lord, he thinks, let it lie still.

            But God is not on his side this afternoon and it pains him to move away, hoping no one will notice his bulging eyes, pants, the lump in his throat.  Not his boss, not Doug, or her boss Nick who watches Misook coming down the line and tries hard not to smile.  And as we watch Hector limp slightly off to the side, we see the others blocking Nick’s view, Gloria and Sara and Rosalind.  Gloria and Rosalind fawning over Miyo’s gown, her veiled hair, the beauty of her smile even though it has tinges of regret darkening like shadows under her eyes as she loses sight of Hector who passes from our view.  But Gloria and Rosalind both are full of compliments while Sara glides gracefully by in pursuit of the disappearing Hector.

            But oh, Gloria says, “You look stunning,” to Miyo who doesn’t quite hear her and Rosalind nods in agreement.  “Absolutely divine.”

            And Miyo is, of course, beautiful, perhaps even more so now that there is a touch of sadness about her eyes, which both Gloria and Rosalind attribute to her maturing, though we can, can’t we, speculate on other causes.  Gloria meanwhile comments to Rosalind on how much Miyo has grown since she first came five years ago to study in the newly created English Language Institute and began working in the theatre department as a student aide.  “She was so shy,” Gloria says.  “You couldn’t get a word out of her.”

            “Yes,” Rosalind agrees.  “She would just smile and nod as she helped Jackie in the costume shop.”

            “And now she has replaced Jackie as our costume designer.”

            “Well Nick can always either spot talent or inspire it,” Rosalind says.

            “It certainly was true with Miyo,” Gloria says and her gaze returns to the beatific bride as our gaze does, too.  And here, on her wedding day, on a day that should be the marking of a new beginning, Miyo can’t help but feel a tug on the sleeve of her memory that keeps turning her head back toward the past.  Could this, would this day have been different?  Might this, may this day not change her life forever?  Has this, had this day another possible beginning?  And could this, should this day have another possible ending?  Ahhhh, Miyo.  Those melancholy eyes that haunt that beautiful face are filling with tears of happiness, of sorrow, of fear, of regret, of resignation, of foreboding, of love, of lust, of the joy and pain of life.  Ahhhh, Miyo.  It breaks our hearts to see the conflict raging within you today.

            “Are you crying because you are sad, Miyo, or because your heart is bursting with ecstasy?”  Misook, who speaks fluent Japanese since she studied art and calligraphy in Japan for three years before coming to the U.S., asks her in Japanese as she holds her friend’s hand.  “Or are those tears for us who do not know the emotion in your heart?”

            “For you, Misook dear,” Miyo says and hugs her best friend tightly.  “And for me.  For all of us here and all of us absent.”

            “Oh Miyo,” and Misook is surprised at the ferocity in her grasp.  “Oh.”  And they hold each other for a long moment before letting go.  Misook looks at her carefully and then says tentatively, “Should I be worried about you?”

            “Not today,” Miyo says.  “Not as long as friends like you surround me.”  And she hugs her again and smiles as radiantly as she can.  “Am I not the happiest woman you know today?”

            “I certainly hope so,” Misook says and finds herself smiling radiantly, too.  “Though I feel pretty happy myself.”

            “For me, I hope.”

            “Yes, for you and for Yugi and for everyone here and even for myself.”

            “Yes, for you, too,” Miyo laughs.  “And won’t we have fun at the reception?”

            “I hope so,” Misook says.  “It should be a party, shouldn’t it?”

            “If it isn’t,” Miyo winks, “we’ll go somewhere else and find one.”

            And they laugh and kiss and Misook moves down to see Nick watching her with a bemused glint in his eye.  “And now I find you,” Misook says, “being a poppa to someone else besides me.”

            “I’m the father to everyone,” he says, “but a poppa to only one.”

            “And who is that one?”  she asks.

            “The one that holds the key to my heart.”

            Misook’s eyes widen, then shift to the side as if trying to spy this mysterious personage.  “Is she here?”  she mock whispers.

            “Oh yes,” he nods.

            “And how do we know her?”

            “She’ll be the one who can make me smile.”

            “Ahhh,” and those eyes widen again.  A conspiratorial whisper.  “A clever girl?”

            Nick nods.  “She can juggle three oranges and has a painter’s eye for composition.”

            “She is special to you?”

            “Very.”

            And here a look of begrudging admiration.  “I would like to meet this girl.”

            “If you’re very good today,” he says, “I’ll arrange it.”

            “Thank you, poppa.”

            “You’re welcome, daughter.”

            Misook winks, Nick smiles, and off she goes to join the others milling about on the lawn.  And we join them, too, as Ali follows Misook around, Gloria fans herself with a borrowed hymnal and Sara watches Hector watch Miyo descend the stairs.  There are photo opportunities galore and much oohhhing and aahhhing in several different accents until everyone piles into various cars to make the 20 minute drive to the Japanese restaurant Yugi works in as a sushi chef for the wedding reception.

            If we go to the restaurant before the guests, we will see that the owner, Hiroshi Sugi, has closed the restaurant for the entire afternoon so that his cousin Yugi can have a proper wedding banquet/party.  This is, though, not purely an act of kindness since Yugi came to this country to work for him two years ago and is his second full-time sushi chef (Hiroshi being the head chef) so it has its practical, somewhat self-serving, side as well.  Besides, Tuesdays are normally a slow lunch crowd day and the restaurant will reopen for dinner.  And Yugi will not be taking any time off for a honeymoon.  Even this day, Tuesday, is his usual day off, so Hiroshi, though appearing magnanimous, is really not losing very much.  An afternoon’s lunch hour, food for the dinner (but not the complete dinner since ethnic dishes are being provided by other friends of the couple), and a few dozen liter bottles of cheap wine and New York State champagne.  The goodwill he receives, Hiroshi thinks, will more than compensate him in return.

            Besides, his wife MinKyung insisted he do something and this is better than giving Yugi time off for a honeymoon.  Where would he go anyway?  And how could he afford it?  This is the obvious solution to the dilemma caused by young love.  And even his wife came to see that.  So Hiroshi presided over getting the kitchen ready while his wife organized everything else.

            MinKyung, for her part, is happy for the couple, though she has forebodings of trouble for Miyo.  The wife of a sushi chef is not easy if she herself is not part of this world and Miyo has never even worked as a waitress before.  The hours for Yugi are long:  6 work days from 11AM to 1AM with only Tuesdays off and one week vacation in July, the slowest month.  It took her a long time to adjust to that and she has been working as a waitress in restaurants ever since she married Hiroshi.  It is not an easy life and she wonders how a woman with a masters degree in fashion can adjust to it.  And though she has been thinking of taking college courses this fall herself, it is only to get a certificate in bookkeeping so that she can help with that part of the business.  But Miyo, she understands, has no such interests.

            The restaurant is not very big but big enough when full to capacity to seat 36 people at 12 tables, plus 6 more at the sushi bar.  Of course it isn’t filled to capacity every day but the weekends are busy enough to keep MinKyung and the other waitress Emiko busy, plus there is, being America, a very busy take-out business most nights, as well as a respectable lunch trade.  Today, though, it’s strictly a private party for one of their own.  It’s a small staff-—two sushi chefs, Toshiro the kitchen chef, and the two waitresses who also double as cashiers—so there is excitement in their lives to see Yugi finally getting married.  There had been some speculation when he first came that he might end up with Emiko, but she is perhaps too lively for him and did not share his enthusiasm for Christianity.  Like many young Japanese, she has no religion but Yugi clings to the church even more tightly now that he is in a foreign country surrounded by people who speak a language he barely understands.  The church is familiar and he takes comfort in it.  And it was there that he met Miyo who had started attending looking for some meaning after all the agony Hector with all his secrecy had caused her.  She felt she was living in some bad spy novel—subterfuge, surreptitious meetings, no open acknowledgments about how they felt about each other to anyone.  Only Misook knew of her torment and though Miyo took some comfort there, she still ached inside.  So one day when a classmate she casually knew invited her to a church outing, she accepted and found herself among friendly Japanese young people with such simple dreams and aspirations that she became seduced into a kind of tranquility that was opposite to how she felt with Hector.  Gradually she started to attend more outings, even church services, and soon found herself gently pursued by Yugi, and the rest, as they say in this country, is history.  Her history, their history, the outcome of which brings us to this restaurant on this Tuesday afternoon with these people to witness this event.

            It also brings Gia and Eduardo here to help prepare non-Japanese dishes like baked ziti and chicken marsala, also with Leila who has made her Brazilian style lasagna and baked a ham with potatoes.  Tall and willowy Gia, who is from Italy, wearing a Versace dress that dazzles the eye with its brilliant colors, is, of course, somewhat skeptical of Leila’s lasagna but Eduardo, always the peacemaker, has persuaded her to be kind.  Gia is kind but also very opinionated, which she insists is the birthright of every Italian, and harshly critical, of herself more than others which is why she thinks of herself as essentially kind.  Eduardo, though, who loves her wholeheartedly, suffers so from her criticisms that he often complains to Doug of her inability to be, for lack of a better word, charitable towards others, and, most especially, towards him.  Doug tries to console him but also defend her because he understands her clear-eyed judgment of the world and its inhabitants.  Doug tries to get her to temper that in her dealings with others while also encouraging her to exploit it in her writing.  She respects Doug and though she looks to him as a surrogate father figure, he is also her literary mentor so she tries to appease him.  And Eduardo, even though she loves him, she feels he has poor judgment when it comes to people, so she doesn’t listen to him at all.   That creates moments, no hours, of melancholy for him, but because he’s Latin, she thinks it’s just the way he is and so feels no guilt whatsoever.

            Leila, meanwhile, is sensitive to criticism and would be hurt if she knew how Gia felt about her attempts at Italian cuisine but thankfully she doesn’t suspect a thing.  Which means, of course, she is her usual buoyant self—smiling and swaying as only Brazilians can to a beat only they hear.  She’s young, she’s alive, and there’s a celebration today among people she has studied with, works with, cares about.  She has spent all morning cooking in her tiny apartment and now she can’t wait for the party to begin.  She would have liked to be at the ceremony but someone was needed to help set-up and so, as always, she volunteered.  But her feet, if we watch her feet, they are beginning to move to a samba beat, and soon, very soon she will toss back her long wavy hair and let those feet, those hips take control.  It’s a good thing people are beginning to arrive because if they weren’t, she would have to begin this party without them.

            And arrive they do.  In twos, in threes, in groups of five and more.  They carry gifts, or envelopes with cards and checks, big, warm smiles and open hearts.  There are many from the church—mostly young Japanese in their twenties and early thirties—some with kids but all filled with Christian love.  The other guests are, of course, multiethnic and filled with various forms of love from Christian to Muslim to Buddhist to Jewish to Roman Catholic to Greek Orthodox to some, like Nick, who lack religious affiliation with their love but have love in their hearts nonetheless.  So the restaurant is packed with people overflowing with love and this is always a good way to celebrate a wedding.  The guests crowd the restaurant and extra chairs and folding tables are set up to accommodate them.  The people who were at the ceremony are there, as well as some late arrivals.

And there is Doug who wanders in looking somewhat rested from his big day yesterday puttering around his garden.  Even though he is Welsh, he still likes to think he keeps an English garden and spends as much time as possible, especially since fall is steadily approaching since summer is almost officially over now that Labor Day is only a week away.  Soon there will be a new semester beginning and he will be hiring new adjunct instructors, scheduling tutors in the Writing Center and soliciting poems, articles, stories for the literary quarterly he edits while trying to instill in students who think literature is best viewed on a celluloid screen rather than on pages between a cover of a book an appreciation of the written word; as well as make sure they grasp the fundamentals of English grammar and syntax so that they can pass out of ESL and into the college’s required basic composition class of English 101.  But this afternoon is before all that and he is not yet cantankerous but in, what he likes to call, “a jolly mood.”

            “Why did I know,” Doug says as he takes a seat opposite Nick, “that I would find you two in typical pose.  You,” and he indicates Nick, “with a glass of wine in your hand and him,” and he indicates Jeff, “surrounded by young, beautiful women.”

            “I hate to think what that implies about each of us,” Nick says.

            “There’s nothing to hate about what it implies about Jeff, just much to envy.  But you, on the other hand,” and Doug shrugs, “are supposed to be the father of the bride.”

            “And?”  Nick asks.

            “That means you should be setting an example for us all.”  And here Doug indicates all the college people.  “Needless to say, for all these young, impressionable people as well.”

            Nick sighs and takes a sip of his wine.  “It’s a good thing I have thick skin to match my thick head.”

            “Hmmmm,” Doug goes.  “No comment needed there.”

            Jeff can’t help but smile.  These two have been bickering on and off for over 20 years and it’s always given him pleasure to watch them.  If he could, he would stage it but somehow real life always seems more artificial than theatre. 

            “What better example could I be than I already am by just being here, I’m always here, for them,” Nick says.  “I don’t come strolling in after the hard part is over just for the food.  I’m here the whole way.”

            “Ahhh, but you should be,” Doug says.  “That’s part of your responsibility as the director of the theatre program.  But it’s not a question of your putting in the time, the hours, but how you get others to perform that counts.”

            “And you’re implying that I perform that job badly?”

            “No, you’re great at your job,” Doug says and helps himself to the wine.  “But this,” and he lifts the glass high, “is about a certain moral standard and,” he shrugs again, “might I say, it’s possibly questionable.”

            Gabriella turns to Jeff and asks, “These two are always like this?”

            “It’s a little dance that they do,” Jeff replies.  “Like a vaudeville act.”

            Nick then drains his glass and pours himself another.  “To err is human, to forgive divine.  And I’m giving everyone who knows me a chance to be divine.”

            “I’ll drink to that,” Doug says and clinks Nick’s glass.  Then he looks over at Vivian and Jenny and says, “And you two were superb.”

            “Thank you,” they nod their heads in unison.  “We used your arrangement on the Beatles’ song.”

            Doug gives a satisfied smile and another element to Nick’s scheme flashes through his mind for digestion later.

            “You arrange music?” Gabriella asks.

            “If I could have,” he says with a sigh, “I would have been a rock star, but…” and a helpless gesture to indicate life’s poor planning.

            “Yes,” she says.  “I would have had my own dance company.”

            “Perhaps we would have played Radio City on the same bill.”

            “Do you think we would have had the same audience?”

            “We would have been so unique that the world would have been our audience.  We would have united people, regardless of race, creed, or language, under one tent, in front of a common stage, swaying to music and dance that spoke to their collective soul.”

            “What a lovely image,” Gabriella says.

            “That’s one thing about me,” Doug says.  “I’m full of lovely images.”

            And Nick is struck by that image, too.  Not now, though, but later, much later, we will see how it will dominate his nights, his dreams.  And the image will become his vision of the project that will consume him.

            But here, at this table, talk centers on more immediate concerns.  And Nick, in his role of father or overlord, rises to give a toast to the couple before the feasting, the dancing, the merriment begins.

            “We are all gathered here today to honor this couple—Miyo and Yugi,” Nick begins and pauses periodically while Misook, standing beside him, translates his words into Japanese for half the population who smile without understanding a single word he is saying.  “I don’t know Yugi very well since his English is as poor as my Japanese,” and Misook grins broadly as she translates that, “but since he is marrying Miyo I have to think he’s not only smart and lucky but very special, too.”  And he looks over at Miyo as he says, “Because Miyo is a very special person.”

            Misook again translates and Nick can’t help but notice how much more animated her translations are than his speech.  He wonders if he is indeed livelier in Japanese than English.  And as he continues his speech by relaying anecdotes about Miyo, he also notices the difference in length:  sometimes much longer (to which he asks Misook, “I said all that?” and she winks and nods reassuringly) or much shorter (to which he asks, “You sure you got it all?” to which she solemnly says, “Every last word”).  He doesn’t know if he’s being translated properly and occasionally looks over at Miyo who smiles adoringly and then just gives up.  When he is finally finished relaying stories and waxing poetic, he turns to Yugi and says, “Welcome to our college family.”

            Misook says something in turn and Yugi smiles and bows in his seat and says, “Thank you so much,” so Nick forgives Misook for any and all transgressions and shakes her hand.  “Thanks, partner,” he says.

            “All in a day’s work,” she replies.  “I am still on payroll, right?”

            “You are enterprising.”

            “That is good, right?”

            “For you anyway.”

            “One must be resourceful in America.”

            “I noticed, though, that sometimes you didn’t seem to be saying as much as I did.”

            “I got the gist,” she says and wrinkles her nose and asks, “That is the right word, no?”  He nods.  “I like that word, gist.”

            “You also seemed to be saying more than I did at times.”

            “Ah yes, perhaps I did.”

            “You were embellishing?”

            Misook looks puzzled.  “Embellishing?”

            “Adding to,” Nick explains, “to make it better, fancier.”

            “Ah, well, maybe,” she says, and then gives a big smile and nods.  “Yes.”

            Nick nods, too.  “Well, I seem to be funnier in Japanese anyway.”

            Misook’s face scrunches up a bit.  “Well, it’s not that you were funnier,” she says.  “It’s just that I am.” 

            “Ahhh,” Nick goes.  “In Japanese anyway.”
            “If it makes you feel better,” she says, “I’ll agree.”

            He sighs.  “It makes me feel better.”

            “Then,” she smiles, “I agree.”

            The feasting begins now and people are getting dishes filled at the sushi bar which is acting as the buffet table and then sitting down and trying not to talk with their mouths full.  Other guests keep arriving, some from the church who seem to be congregating on the right side of the restaurant while the college crowd seem to spread out over on the left side.  Ramiro comes in, late as usual but appropriately apologetic, his car, it seems, or what he tentatively refers to as his car though the ownership of said vehicle is somewhat in question, has given him heartache again. But his smile is so warm, his hair dyed a bright blue for the occasion, and his hands are full carrying a big platter of El Salvadoran papooses that everyone forgives him.  Susan, Zia, and Shima come in, too, straight from the ESL office having volunteered to man it for the morning before shutting down to join the party.  So many come to pay tribute to Miyo because she is, after all, a favorite among them, having started out in ESL before going to Theatre to work and thus, like Misook, joining both worlds.

            Nick, watching it all, keeps feeling a tug at his theatrical sensibilities.  He turns to Gabriella who is listening to Doug discuss the merits of using cilantro in guacamole as opposed to not using it at all, which he, priding himself on his vast knowledge of Mexico and things Mexican, considers sacrilegious, and asks, “Don’t you think the energy here is fantastic?”

            “Yes,” she says.  “It’s the closest I’ve felt to being comfortable in this country in a long time.”  And she waves a hand through the air, “All these languages at once.  And all this English in accent.  It’s wonderful.”

            Nick thinks yes, yes, it is, and how to harness all this nags at him.  He looks over at Misook pulling up her dress slightly above her knees, tossing back her hair, and dancing with Ali who joins her with abandon, to Eduardo trying to keep up with Leila whose footwork mystifies him, to Zia twirling Shima around the floor in what must be a Bangali version of the salsa, to Ramiro instructing Susan in the proper hip movement to Spanish dance.  And out of the corner of his eye, he sees Vivian whispering in Jenny’s ear while MinKyung tries to teach Gloria the proper way to hold chopsticks to Sara serving Hector who seems to be only partially aware of the food on his plate.  The accents, the languages, Gaby is right, he thinks.  A multicultural musical, that’s what this is.  And then we can see a light bulb flash above his head and a smile spread over his face.  For now he knows, we know, he will use this somehow in a theatrical production because this is theatre, living theatre, right here before him.

            But to Miyo, as we know, it is more than that.  It is the beginning of another chapter of her life here in America.  It is the start of something new and an ending to something familiar.  And as that realization begins to sink in, she sees Hector’s mournful face and a shudder runs through her spine.

            So we pull back now and see the crowd mingling to some extent.  Ali is handing out business cards to church members, MinKyung is asking Susan how she could possibly still enroll for bookkeeping courses for the fall, Shima is explaining how to make Persian rice to Gloria who doesn’t intend to learn to cook ever.  There is much trading of information here.  So much to know, so much to store away for use some other day or to forget ten minutes after you are out the door or to make part of your life forever.  Experience spilling over into life spilling over onto this canvas we are viewing of these people intermingling in this tiny corner of Long Island.  And now let us leave them as they make their way to work, to play, to home.  We will leave them now to only follow a few for if we observe a few, we will know the many.  It’s just a law of the universe.

            First we follow Doug home who envisions a quiet evening dipping into Graham Greene’s The Heart of the Matter but instead gets a call from Gia.  “You busy?”  she asks.

            “I think that would depend on how you define the word ‘busy’.”

            “Yeah, okay, but before we get into that, are you busy now?”

            Doug sighs.  “No,” he says.  “I’m not busy now.”

            “And did you eat?”

            “I don’t think dinner is on my agenda, not after all that food this afternoon.”

            “So you’re not doing anything special now?”

            “Just reading,” he says, resigned to the possibility that that won’t happen anymore tonight.

            “Can I come over then?” she asks.  “I’m in the neighborhood.”
            “Where in the neighborhood?”

            “Actually like two blocks away.”

            “Oh,” and he nods absently to himself.  “That’s definitely in the neighborhood.”

            “So can I come over?” she persists.

            “Sure,” he says.  “I am, as we established earlier in the conversation, not busy.”

            “Great,” she says.  “I’m almost there.”

            Doug hangs up and thinks this is the curse of the cellular phone.  People can call at anytime, from anywhere, and disrupt your day.  They can be at your doorstep within minutes.  It’s like Hannibal at the gates, only worse since it is his gate or, in this case, front door.  And as he thinks this, Gia pulls up into his driveway and her long legs are carrying her across his lawn and up to his front door.  “Hello,” she says.  “Aren’t you happy to see me?”

            “Delighted,” he says and waves her in.  “Where’s Eduardo?”  And as he says this, he knows, of course, that Eduardo is not coming and that that is the reason she is here, but he must ask the question to avoid the small talk that will inevitably lead to this question anyway.

            “I threw him out,” she says.  “He’s such an asshole, I had no choice.”

            “What did he do?”  He doesn’t, naturally, add the phrase “this time” because he knows it is unnecessary.  There will always be a “this time” and whether it is now, tomorrow, next week, or next year, the time is not important, just the event.

            “Didn’t you see him at the wedding?” she asks.  “He was so stupid to do it there.”

            “Do what?”

            “You didn’t see?” she asks incredulously because to her, whatever he does is so obvious that the world can’t help but notice, too.  “You didn’t see the way he was all over that girl?”

            “What girl?”

            “Leila,” Gia says, and the name comes out like a spoken curse.

            “But they’re not interested in each other,” Doug says.

            “I know that,” Gia says.  “That’s what’s so idiotic about him.  He flirts even with people that aren’t interested in him.  That he is not interested in.  But he does it anyway.  And he does it in front of me.”  Scorn drips from her sneer.  “That’s why he’s such an asshole. And that’s why I threw him out.”

            Doug shakes his head and watches as she takes a cigarette out of her purse and steps to his front door.  “I’ll be back,” she says.  “But he makes me so mad I have to have a smoke to calm down.”

            And though Doug wishes he could join her, to taste smoke in his lungs again, he knows his damaged lungs could not take it and one cigarette would be just one more step closer to death.  So instead he pours himself a coke and waits for her to return.  There will be much to discuss:  her on again/off again romance with Eduardo, her jealousy, and, most likely, her writing.  Doug will listen, will console, will advise.  That’s his job and he’s good at it.  And Gia, with all her Southern Italian passion, is one of his favorites.  And favorites in this lifetime, as always, win out over Graham Greene.  That’s just the way it is.

 

            But instead of staying for Gia’s return, let us visit another household where a younger woman who is a favorite will distract another older man from his rereading of Cervantes’ Don Quixote.  For Nick, in sweatpants and slippers, a glass of brunello in his hand, is trying to lose himself in the words of one of his favorite author’s when the voice of Misook calls up from below asking, “You awake, poppa?”

            “Yes,” he calls back and hears her wooden clogs clump across his living room floor as she comes to the bottom of the stairs leading to the third floor of his house where he is sitting in his favorite rocker in his second favorite room, the library/den, trying to read. 

            “Can I come up, poppa?” she asks, knowing full well that he’ll never say no.  And, of course, is halfway up the stairs already by the time he has placed a bookmark between the pages and is standing at the doorway just as he finishes buttoning his flannel shirt.  “Am I bothering you?”

            “No, no,” and he smiles just looking at her.  She has slipped out of her short black dress and wears tiny denim shorts and a skin tight white t-shirt.  “Come in.”

            “I think I’m feeling sad, poppa,” she says as she comes into the room and sits cross-legged on the armchair that has become her usual perch in this room.  “I should not be sad,” and she sighs, “but I am.”

            “I think,” he says carefully watching her, “it’s understandable.  Weddings sometimes have that effect.”

            “Do they make you sad?” Misook asks.

            “A little,” he nods.  “Yes, they do.”

            “Me, too,” she says a bit forlornly.  “I was so happy at the restaurant, but now…”

            It’s moments like these, when the normally lively, spirited Misook is flirting dangerously with melancholy, that Nick feels pangs of tenderness swelling inside him.  “Would you like to join me in a glass of wine?” he asks.  “Or better yet, a brandy?”

            “You won’t get upset if I add Sprite?” she asks, some mischief surfacing in her eyes.

            “No,” he says.

            “Are you sure?” she asks.  “You promise not to make that face I don’t like?”

            “I promise,” he says, “but you know one can’t always control one’s face.”

            She tilts her head to the right, to the left, studying him the way you would a science project, and then says, “I’ll go get the Sprite.  It’s downstairs in my refrigerator.”
            And before he can rise to get the brandy glasses and his favorite brandy, she is off clumping down the two flights of stairs to her rooms on the first floor where she has her own bedroom, living room, bathroom, studio, and refrigerator filled with Sprite, ice cream, yogurt, cranberry juice, and lots of fruit.  And by the time he pours two snifters of brandy, she is clumping her way back upstairs to join him.  He hands her the brandy and looks away before she mixes in the Sprite. She watches him, suppressing her giggling while waiting for that look of disdain he gets every time someone ruins the taste of good liquor in his eyes.  But it doesn’t come.  He shows remarkable self-control and she has to hover over his chair, craning her neck and moving her face from side to side trying to discern the slightest trace of criticism on his part.  But he laughs instead and so does she and soon she is commandeering the CD player in the room and the Rolling Stones’ “Start Me Up” is blaring out and she dances all over the room trying to coax him to join her.  But he would much rather sit and watch her hop, bounce, twist, turn, jiggle, shake, rock, roll.  It gives him immense pleasure to see her sadness dissolve into mirth and by the second glass of brandy, he is dancing with her.  The two of them dancing and drinking for an hour or so, playing disc jockey with cut after cut of good old rock and roll before finally settling into the quiet of early Miles Davis playing ballads.  And by that time, Nick is in the easy chair, Misook is snuggled in his lap, drifting off to sleep and midnight has drifted by unnoticed.

            “Oh poppa,” she murmurs into his shoulder, “how come you are my best friend?”

            “Just lucky, I guess,” he replies.

            “You won’t be mad if I fall asleep?”

            “No,” he says and strokes her hair.

            “I just don’t want to be alone tonight,” she whispers, sleep settling in quickly, her eyes refusing to open.

            “I know,” he says softly, so softly no one hears but her.  “Shhh now,” he whispers.  “Shhh.”

            And she slides off to dreams of color and light and music and dance.  She slides off to heaven on earth.  And he is left holding her sleeping form on his lap, in his arms, his eyes closed, his mind awake, with a pain right in the middle of his heart.

 

            And speaking of pain in one’s heart, we find Hector sitting in his car staring up at the bedroom window of Miyo’s apartment watching as the light turns off.  Of course he cannot see Miyo or what goes on there in the dark just as Miyo cannot see him, is unaware of his presence lurking outside, for she is too busy in her new marital bed.  For her slender legs that once wrapped around his waist are now wrapping around another’s, her husband’s, Yugi’s waist now, and that breathing, her heavy breathing as he penetrates, Yugi’s own heart’s beating, filling her ears.  This is not wild, unbridled passion like she experienced with Hector, but slow, tender, reverential love, the kind a future is built upon, a life, a family is planned.  It will not drive her crazy but it will finally, hopefully, bring her the peace she has been waiting for the whole night long.

 

            And now to Doug watching Gia’s car drive off, smelling the smoke and her perfume still in the air, wishing he had something stronger than coke in his glass but refusing to allow himself that crutch.  And then he sits in his chair and picks up his Graham Greene and begins to read.  But the words blur and his eyes for some reason are wet.  And youth, he thinks, youth will give him no peace but will kill him yet.  Will kill him with its dreams, its pain, its joy, its life.

            So he sits on his deck in the back yard holding a cup of tea in his hand that grows cold as he gazes wistfully up at the moon.  He is remembering this same sky 30 years ago, filled with stars in his native Midwest, and a backyard there, a woman’s voice, the smell of perfume in the air.  He hears music, John Prine, he thinks, singing of sweet revenge, and he wonders just whom and what it was directed at, the way life has a habit of bringing things back home again that you thought were forever gone.  A man, a woman, talking of betrayal, deceit, whether real or imagined, but an inkling of the roving eye of youth and what path it will lead one down and how far from home one goes.  And he feels remorse for some of the things he’s done, and regret for others never attempted.  And he can’t help wondering, as he stares up at the moon, just where those stars are, whatever became of that sky.

 

            And now to check in on Nick who sits in the rocker in his bedroom in the dark watching Misook turning over in her sleep, that slender body twisting itself in the sheets as she fights off image after image bombarding her mind.  And Nick feels young and old at the same time and wishes he could keep his mind in the present but it keeps straying back to Misook’s warm breath on his neck as he carried her next door to the bedroom and laid her to rest in his bed, keeps drifting back to the smoothness of her skin as he lifted her legs under the covers and tucked in the sheets, the blanket, the overhead fan whirling above his head and the way her long, silken hair tinged with red highlights spreads out over the pillow just before he turned out the night light, and the sound of her voice in his ear whispering poppa, my poppa, and Cervantes writing of madmen tilting at windmills, tilting at windmills in his mind.

            And finally we find Nick with Shakespeare on his mind.  There is singing, there is dancing, there are couples falling in and out of love, there is an intermingling of races, of ethnicities, people are stumbling, fumbling in and around each other.  And the play must accommodate all that.  Must allow for that mixture, for comedy, for drama, for tolerance, and lessons learned.  And it begins to take shape in his mind.

            A Midsummer Night’s Dream, he thinks.  An updated, multicultural retelling of one crazy night in the forest with elves and fairies and lovers and kings and queens and clowns.  A sprawling, romantic romp in three acts.  Yes, he thinks.  Yes, I can do that, I will do that, I must.

            And he lets his mind run free, run wild with the images.  He falls asleep in his easy chair in his den/library and he dreams his new dream.

excerpt from Wooing Wu: an interracial love story set in the early 1990’s

          Image

         Hui Lang is, of course, bored.  Julia can tell by the way she looks out the window every time a car passes that she wishes she were in any one of those cars going anywhere, as long as it is out of Cleveland.  Julia can’t fault her for she, too, is restless in this town but they made the mistake of not going back to New York immediately with Xi Jie, electing instead to wait a few more days to accompany Mongyuan back, but those few days have now stretched into a week and they are still a few days away from departing. 

            “Tomorrow we will go,” Mongyuan says.  “Or, at the very latest, the next day.  I promise.”

            Hui Lang looks out the window and Julia nods.  And both wonder what Xi Jie is doing now. 

            “Skating at Rockefeller Plaza,” Hui Lang says.  “Under the Christmas tree.”

            “Or shopping at Macys,” Julia says.  “Taking advantage of all the sales.”

            “She is probably making snowmen in Central Park.”

            “We could make snowmen here, too.”

            “Yes, but it is not the same.  Even the snowmen are different in New York.  Here there would be less sparkle when they turned to ice.”

            “You are just prejudiced for New York.”

            “It’s because I’m a Shanghai girl and we Shanghai girls only like big metropolises.  Isn’t that right?”

            “Yes,” Julia sighs.  “I suppose it is.”

            “Even Mongyuan is bored here.  But she cannot just leave her husband too quickly.”

            Julia laughs.  “No, but you’re right in implying that she would like to.”

            “Honestly, I don’t understand married couples,” Hui Lang says.  “Their love always seems stronger when they are apart.  And when they are together, they act more like brother and sister than lovers.”

            “Perhaps the lover phase is reserved for private moments.”

            “Or else it passes after marriage.”  She sighs and looks out at the snow.  “Marriage seems to kill any emotion stronger than affection.  I don’t think I could live like that.”

            Julia looks at her closely.  “You don’t think Mongyuan and Yao Hua love each other?”

            Hui Lang turns and their eyes meet.  Hers are so intense that Julia almost loses her balance.  The shift unsettles her.  Before she can regain her equilibrium, Hui Lang says, “They love each other all right.  But there is no passion.  It is the love of our parents.  But we are not our parents yet, are we?  I do not think of myself as my mother’s age.  Do you?  Or have I missed something?  Did something happen while I wasn’t aware?”
            “You make it sound as if our parents didn’t love.”

            “No, I’m saying that their love  was devoid of passion by the time we were at an age when we could be aware of such things.  Perhaps even before that.  But I certainly don’t remember any signs of passion between my parents, do you?”

            Images of her mother putting food into her father’s bowl, buying his favorite vegetables at the grocery, knitting a sweater, polishing his shoes.  But her father, he was always remote somehow, a man more interested in his daughter’s education than in his wife’s thoughts.  Try as hard as she can, she cannot remember one time that her father ever touched her mother with any warmth or affection.  It was as if they didn’t know how.  “They didn’t show it,” she says finally, “but they did care for each other.”

            “Yes, mine, too, but that’s not the kind of life I want.  I want to burn every time we are in the same room.”

            “That could be dangerous.”

            “Love should be dangerous,” Hui Lang says.  “Filled with the passion of the operas we love.  I know you think this way, too, Chao Ru.  I know what is in your heart.”

            “Yes, I want passion, but I think Mongyuan does, too.”

            “No,” Hui Lang says, “she always was ruled by her head.  Passion has no place in her life.  It upsets all the calculations by its volatility.”

            Julia can’t help but smile, seeing the truth in that assessment.  “Yes, she even picked us as friends because she thought we would add necessary variety to her life.”

            “And Yao Hua became her husband because she wanted one at that time and he was the best choice of the moment.  If he had asked a year earlier, she would have dismissed him.”

            Julia laughs.  “But it is a good marriage.  Something both of us lack.”  She regrets having said it as she is saying it but the words are out there, soiling the air.

            “Yes,” Hui Lang says, looking off somewhere beyond the four walls that encase them there in Cleveland.  “In that way she is complete.  And we, we are less so.”

            Suddenly Julia feels the weight that her best friend, too, is carrying and they sag into each other.  For they both hear the questions, from family, from married friends, from passing acquaintances:  When will you marry?  When?  And the two friends are past the desirable age without a likely prospect in view.  They just have each other.  So in each other’s arms, they take what comfort they can.

 

 

            Anthony finds himself staring into the refrigerator for the fifth time in one day and it isn’t even dinner time yet.  He knows he’s not hungry but he also knows he can’t seem to concentrate on writing or reading, his mind is too distracted, and he doesn’t have the luxury of having school work to ignore.  So he finds himself looking into the refrigerator, wondering what he should cook.  There doesn’t seem to be anything appetizing.  He would find that depressing if he were hungry but he isn’t so he doesn’t.  Then the phone rings to further complicate matters. 

            “So,” Robert says, “what did you do on New Year’s?”

            “I managed to stay out of trouble,” Anthony says.  “And you?”

            “I went to a party with Meg.”

            “Oh.”

            “These were all her friends and I was trying my best to be on my good behavior.”

            “How’d you do?”

            “Well,” and he sighs, “it was difficult.”

            “What do you mean?”
            “First off,” Robert says, “the woman throwing the party name’s Aria.  So I say, as in area rug?  Well, that didn’t get much of a laugh.”

            “No sense of humor, huh?”

            “These people, Anthony, they all talked like they had lockjaw speech.  You know the kind, right?  That upper crusty lockjaw.  Like they eat cucumber sandwiches and are as witty as Oscar Wilde.”

            “And these are Meg’s friends?”
            “Not her best friends,” Robert says, “but she does ‘dine’ with them on occasion.”

            “And you behaved yourself?”

            “I was the picture of charm.  That is,” and he sighs into the mouthpiece again, “until the alcohol kicked in.  Then I think I might have gotten a little loud and a teeny bit obnoxious.”

            “Ah,” Anthony goes and rubs his eyes.  When he opens them he realizes that he still has the refrigerator door open.  He closes it and says, “And I thought my life was complicated.  All my problems, though, seem to center on what to cook for dinner.”

            “Make chili,” Robert says.  “That’s what I made this morning.  And it was so good I ate two bowls full for breakfast.”

            “You had chili for breakfast?”
            “I eat what I want to eat when I want to eat it.  Life is too short for compromise.”

            “Jesus.  You have one helluva constitution.”

            “I’m a bull.  You should have seen me at the party.  I was challenging people to shot contests.  And, of course, I ate a plant.”

            “You ate a what?”

            “A house plant.  At least I think it was a house plant.  It was in a pot.”

            “Was it green?”

            “Sure.”

            “Then it probably was a house plant.”

            “I don’t think Aria noticed.  But she’ll probably miss it eventually.”

            “Did you leave the pot anywhere conspicuous?”

            “I hid it under the kitchen sink.”

            “You’re safe then for at least a month.”

            “That’s what I figure.”

            “They didn’t have any food there, I take it.”

            “No, there was food.  Finger food.  It was that everyone was so polite, you know what I mean?”

            Anthony says “Yeah” with suspicion.

            “And I was, you know, feeling claustrophobic.”

            “So you ate a plant?”

            “Yeah.  You understand, don’t you?”

            “Unfortunately, yes.”  Anthony nods in no one’s direction.  “I’ve done things like that myself.”

            “I knew it ran in the family,” Robert says.

            “Yes,” Anthony says, but without much enthusiasm.

            “Anyway, Meg didn’t mind.”

            “She told you that?”

            “Yeah.  She’s coming over later for the chili.”

            “You still have some left?”

            “I made about eight pounds.  That way it lasts for a few meals.”

            “Oh.”  There is a moment of silence while Anthony reflects on his life and Robert washes a few dishes.  “Your New Year’s was certainly more eventful than mine.”

            “Well, I’m going to take a nap now,” Robert says.  “I hope you don’t mind.”

            “No,” Anthony says.  “I think it’s the wise thing to do.”

            And they hang up.  Anthony sits and stares at the wall for a long time.  He wonders vaguely if he’s hungry yet.  Then he closes his eyes, leans his head back against the kitchen wall, and falls asleep.

 

            Once back in New York, Julia goes to Jonathan’s to retrieve her cat.  Dinner, of course, awaits her.

            “Your visit was a good one?”  he asks.

            “Yes,” she says, “but it was not exactly the place I would knowingly plan to spend two weeks.  There is just too little to do.”

            “They have a symphony, don’t they?  And there is a Chinese community?”

            “Of sorts, but my friends do not like to go anywhere if it involves spending money since they are sending money home for their son.”

            He nods sympathetically, though Julia is not sure for whom.  “It’s difficult,” he says, and though the comment could apply to them all, Julia is fairly certain he is referring to the trials of parenthood which he, too, shares.

            “Hui Lang was very restless,” Julia says.  “She had less patience with Cleveland than I.”

            “That is because she is not grounded.  She cannot have any patience for people who live beyond themselves.”

            Julia doesn’t quite know how to respond.  She thinks that although he is talking about Hui Lang, he could also be referring to her.  Both of them are, after all, only concerned with themselves since neither one of them has anyone else.  Selfish, he is implying.  Or, at best, self-absorbed.  And Julia feels pained by that assessment.  But before she lets her pain react to his remark, she switches focus and asks about his vacation.  Soon they are chatting about things remote from her.  And from that place, she eventually, with cat in tow, heads home.

            Once there, she sorts through the mail that has accumulated during her absence.  A flyer from The China Institute catches her eye that advertises a concert for a popular opera singer from the mainland to be held at the 92nd Street Y.  She thinks this would make an excellent outing for her friends and then, for some reason unknown to her, she thinks of the American Anthony.  It suddenly seems important to her to have him there with her friends but she does not know how to arrange that. Then she thinks of Rebecca and calls her.

            “I would love to go,” Rebecca says.

            “And do you think your friend Anthony would like to go, also?”  Julia asks.  “Or would it be too much for him to be with so many Chinese?”

            “I don’t think so.  But we could always let him bring another American to give him language support.”

            “Yes, it’s only fair.”

            “Would you like me to call him?”  Rebecca asks.  “Or would you like to do it yourself?”

            “I’ll do it,” Julia says.  “After all, it was my idea.”

            And having said so, she starts a new phase.

 

 

            “What I don’t understand,” Frank says, “is why I have to go to the opera, too?”

            “It’s not the opera,” Anthony says.  “It’s to hear an opera singer.”

            “That’s even worse,” Frank says.  “That means I don’t get sets and costumes.”

            “You don’t need sets and costumes to appreciate opera.”

            “Maybe you don’t, but I personally don’t appreciate opera even with them, but at least with them, I feel like I should.”

            “You don’t like the opera?”

            “No.”

            “What kind of Italian are you?”

            “I didn’t realize it was a prerequisite.  I just thought owning Frank Sinatra albums was enough to get you membership in the club.  Besides,” and Frank looks at him pointedly, “do you like the opera?”

            “It’s all right.”

            “All right?”  Frank looks skeptical.  “Beets are all right but I don’t go out of my way to eat them.”

            “Beets?”  Anthony asks.  “You equate the opera with eating beets?”

            “I’m just making the point that there are many things that are ‘all right’ but that we all don’t have to necessarily seek them out.  And beets, like the opera, is one of those many things.”

            “So this means I can’t count on you to play sidekick and go with me?”

            “You mean like be the best friend that’s cute and funny but doesn’t get the girl?”

            “I’m not sure if you can qualify as cute anymore.”

            Frank’s eyes narrow.  “What do you mean?”

            “You’re getting a little too old to be called cute.”

            “I’m as old as you.”

            “Precisely.  And I’m too old to be cute, too.”

            “I’m not sure I like this conversation,” Frank says.  “First my ethnicity is questioned because I am not partial to opera and now I’m losing all rights and privileges to youthful sounding adjectives because of my advanced age.”

            “You’re getting very sensitive lately.”

            “Sensitive?”  Frank looks to the ceiling of the stockroom and sighs.  “The man comes to the place I work, hustles me, insults me, and now criticizes me.  And all on what is supposed to be my lunch hour.”

            “You weren’t really hungry anyway.”

            “Hmmmm.”  Frank slumps back against the break table.  “How can I intelligently respond to that?”

            “The only response I want is your positive response to my request that you accompany me and a group of Chinese women to the 92nd Street Y to hear an opera singer.”

            “Can’t we just do dinner instead?”

            “We’ll do that, too.”

            “Before or after?”

            “Probably after.”

            “Uptown or downtown?”

            “I would guess Chinatown.”

            “And you and I are to be the only people who speak English with native fluency?”

            “Yeah, but we don’t have to hold hands.”

            Frank nods.  “I was a little worried there for a second.”

            “So?”  Anthony asks.  “You’ll come?”

            Frank lets out a deep breath.  “Did I ever stand a chance?”  He looks closely at Anthony and adds, “You’re nervous about this, huh?”

            Anthony considers that for a second and thinks, yes, yes, he is.  He is so nervous about this that he doesn’t want to dwell on his feelings too long.  And yet there is a sense of excitement, also.  For wherever this is going, it is on its way.  He can do nothing now but go along for the ride and hope beyond all reasonable expectations that somehow whatever place it leaves him is better than wherever it was he was going before.

 

 

            Julia doesn’t know why she feels anxious except that maybe she is testing something here and the outcome of this could influence future events.  After all, isn’t she curious about how her friends will react to Anthony and how he, in turn, will interact with them?  And isn’t she also curious about his friend?  What kind of person will he be?  Like the old saying, if you stay with chickens, you will remain on the ground, but if you stay with eagles, you will fly above it.  Isn’t she wondering whether he associates with chickens, or eagles?  Wouldn’t that tell her something about him?

            She studies herself in the mirror and then changes her clothes for the third time.  She cannot decide what to wear because she cannot decide what image she wants to convey.  Too formal would mean too stiff;  too informal would imply she was more Westernized than she is.  Yet she is going to a concert among Chinese and so must dress accordingly.  She did not, though, want to look too out-of-fashion as so many Mainlanders do in this country.  After all, what is chic back home is usually out-dated here.  Therefore she has long since learned to wear the many clothes she brought with her from China sparingly and not in the company of Westerners.  She has supplemented her wardrobe with outfits from Macys and The Limited and other shops she has discovered during her shopping sprees with Hui Lang, and it is in front of these that she picks and chooses for this evening.

            Finally she settles on a black wool dress that stops a few inches from her knees.  It hugs her body nicely and she has to admit that she still has maintained her slender shape.  She could still wear the same clothes she wore while in college.  That thought saddens her since this same body has been wasted all these long years since the only man who has known it, and who still knows it, has been Eric, a man who is married to someone else.  Someone who even her best friend doesn’t know still sleeps with her. And what would Hui Lang say if she found out?  Julia smiles ruefully at the imagined conversation.

            And yet, is she planning to take another lover?  Is that why she stares so intently at her shape in the mirror?  Is that why the act of clothing her body has taken on such importance because she designs to allow someone to disrobe her?  After all this time is she postulating a scenario where someone will have access to her physically?  And then?  Will she also allow him access to her thoughts?  Her feelings?  Will he touch her beyond herself?  Will she grant someone that intimacy?

            She shivers slightly.  Wraps her arms around her chest as if afraid of something slipping out, something slipping in.  She stares at herself for a very long moment in the mirror.  She stares.

 

 

            Frank sits impassively in the car as Anthony mutters to himself about the other drivers on the road.  He knows that Anthony is nervous by the way he chatters and so tries to listen to music coming from the tape deck instead.

            “It’s the long, narrow, vertical one,” Anthony says to the car in front of them, “that makes the car go, not the one you’re touching.  That makes it stop.”

            Frank rummages through the tapes on the console looking for something appropriate to play.  He finds Frank Sinatra and pops it in.  Soon he is singing along with “Strangers in the Night” and Anthony joins in.  This, Frank concludes, will keep him calm.  And the two friends harmonize as they weave down Queens Boulevard to Rebecca’s place.  “Do be do be do.”

 

 

            Rebecca enters the car to Sinatra’s “My Way” and gets an introduction to Frank.  “I’ve heard so much about you,” she says, “I feel I know you already.”

            “Me, too,” Frank says.  “Except that I know Anthony long enough now to know that the more he tells a story, the less it resembles reality.  So my information about you is probably more accurate than yours about me.”

            “But facts do not always represent reality, do they?  Don’t they say sometimes fiction is truer than nonfiction and so Anthony, whether he invents or not, is still telling the truth.  Therefore we probably know each other equally well.”

            Frank and Anthony exchange a look.

            “I told you,” Anthony says.

            “So you did,” Frank nods.

            “And do you believe him now?”  Rebecca asks.

            “Oh yeah.”

            “Good,” and she smiles.  “I do so want to be like old friends.”  She looks Frank in the eye.  “Are we like old friends?”

            “We go back several lifetimes,” he says.  “Or at least since the last millenium.”

            “That’s a very long time.”

            “Yes,” he agrees.  “So I guess it’s safe to say we’re like old friends.  Which,” and he returns the smile, “is probably good for me since, according to Anthony, you’re probably one of the few people besides him and me that speaks English tonight.”

            “There’s at least one other,” Rebecca says.  “Maybe two.”

            “Well, I can always practice my Chinese.”

            “You know Chinese?”

            “Nee how,” he says and looks at her a little sheepishly.  “That won’t get me too far, though, huh?”

            “Not beyond the greeting.”

            “That’s what I figured.”

            Anthony shakes his head sadly as he drives them to Julia Wu’s.  “I guess we white devils are in big trouble tonight.”

            “Don’t worry,” Rebecca says in her most reassuring voice.  “We Chinese have a long history because we have endured much.  And we will endure you two, too.”

            Anthony and Frank exchange another look.  Then they both look out at the road in front of them.  And they both sigh.

 

 

            They arrive at Julia’s amid some confusion.  There are introductions and much smiling, nodding, stiff handshaking, and mangling of names.  Xi Jie is easy for the Americans but they stumble over Hui Lang and have the most difficulty with Mongyuan.  But after a shaky start, they finally get the hang of it and even Mongyuan recognizes her own name.  “What’s your Chinese name?”  Frank asks Julia and, with Anthony, is soon repeating “Chao Ru”.  The tones are a problem that the women seem to ignore.  And so after the naming is complete, they all face the new crisis of seven people in a Toyota.

            “I think maybe I should have driven, too,” Frank says, somewhat ruefully.

            “There are too many of us,” Julia says apologetically.  “We can take a cab.”

            “Don’t be silly,” Anthony says.  “It’s only ten minutes away.  I’ll do two trips.”

            There is some haggling here, mainly centering on who goes first and who waits, and then everything’s settled:  Frank, Rebecca, and Mongyuan first;  then Julia, Hui Lang, and Xi Jie.  Anthony is, of course, the chauffeur.  And when he returns for the second group, they climb in with giddy anticipation.  Julia sits up front and thanks him for being so kind.  “Don’t thank me,” he says.  “Instead you should chastise me for being so stupid.  If I had only counted the number of people coming, I would have known we would need two cars.”

            “But I’ve caused so much trouble.”

            “Nonsense.  Frank could have driven.  He just lives across the river, near me.”

            “But it’s so troublesome.”

            “He drives every day to work in Manhattan.  He hates the subway.”

            After a second’s hesitation, Hui Lang stirs in the back seat and asks, “What job does he do?”

            “He manages a book store.”

            “Ohhhh.”  And then Hui Lang turns to Xi Jie and says in Mandarin, “One writes and the other sells books.  It is easy to see the basis of their friendship.”  Then to Julia, “It would be interesting to take a look at their bookshelves and see more evidence of their character.”

            “But it would all be in English,” Xi Jie says, “and thus elusive to us.”

            They laugh and Anthony asks about the joke.  “Oh,” Julia says, “we were just saying you both must own lots of books.”

            “Well, yeah,” Anthony says, but he thinks that couldn’t have been that funny, even in Chinese.

            “And he is a poet?”  Xi Jie asks.

            “And a  teacher,” Hui Lang adds.

            “A teacher of English,” Julia says.

            “He teaches people like us who are learning English,” Hui Lang says, and then she asks Anthony in English, “Where do you teach?”

            “At a community college on Long Island.”

            “It’s a shame you don’t teach here in the city,” she says.  “Then we could be your students.”

            “You sound pretty good to me.”

            “Oh,” and she sighs, “I still have trouble.  And Xi Jie, well she is a true beginner.”

            “Dancers don’t have to speak,” Julia explains. 

            “My body speaks,” Xi Jie says.  “But my mouth…” and she shrugs helplessly.

            “It is probably for the better,” Hui Lang says in Chinese.  “Words only bring trouble.”

            They grow silent then, each lost in their own world.  Anthony, too, is lost, but not in his own thoughts so much as lost because he is shut out of theirs.  He thinks there should be a conversation here but it eludes them all.  And that depresses him.  But he pulls up in front of the Y before it overwhelms him and lets them out to join the others in the lobby while he drives off to look for a parking space.

 

            The concert hall is filled with the sound of Mandarin and Taiwanese since the violinist also on the program is from Taipei.  Anthony notices only a handful of other Americans in the audience.  Julia notices him noticing that and wonders just how foreign he feels.  But rather than making him uncomfortable, he seems to observe such things with a neutral expression.  She thinks it is probably because he teaches foreigners that he is able to be at ease among them.  His friend Frank also seems oblivious to it but mainly because he is engrossed in a conversation with Rebecca about some novel she is reading that Anthony gave her.  Though Julia can’t catch who the author is, the conversation seems to center on voice.  She thinks it appropriate that voice is dominating their interaction this evening.

           

            During the intermission Hui Lang asks Anthony and Frank if they like opera.  “Of course,” Frank says smiling Anthony’s way but not looking him in the eye.  “We’re Italian.  It’s in our blood.”

            “But recitals can be different than performances because you lose the context of the song,” Julia says.  “Sometimes you have only the beauty at the sacrifice of the meaning.”

            “And I miss the interaction of the voices,” Rebecca says.  “The drama of the songs.”

            “And the orchestra,” Hui Lang says.  “And the staging.”

            “And,” Frank says, his eyes shining, “the sets and costumes.”

            “Yes,” Hui Lang sighs.  “The huge effect.”

            “Well,” Anthony says, “perhaps we should all get tickets for something at the Met.”

            “Oh yes,” they agree and conversation moves toward the future.  Anthony looks over at Frank who seems to be immersed in deep dialogue with Rebecca and Hui Lang.  Frank’s comments seem mostly confined to “right”s and “uh huh”s and “yeah”s but he does seem to be enjoying himself.  Anthony begins to smile when suddenly he becomes aware of Julia’s eyes on him.  He turns and their eyes meet briefly before both look self-consciously away.  It is happening too fast, he thinks, she thinks, as the evening keeps spinning away from them on its own volition.  People are talking, plans are being made, common interests discovered.  And where will it end?  Lives spin along in their own spheres and they intersect with other lives spinning and changes occur, some tiny and insignificant, others enormous and unfathomable.  And here, in this auditorium, on this otherwise innocuous evening in January with snow covering a city weary of snow, these lives are spinning together and what will the consequences be?  Julia, Anthony, their friends, are here, are now, and nothing will ever be quite the same again.

 

            Dinner is, of course, in Chinatown but not before there is much discussion in Mandarin as to which restaurant would be best to bring the foreigners to.  “But Anthony has Chinese brothers,” Rebecca says, “so he must know what to expect.”

            “But,” Julia says, “his brothers grew up in this country, too, and so they are all probably used to the junk Chinese food they serve all Americans here.”  She sighs.  “There is probably no escaping that.”

            “Well, we could take them to a restaurant with an American menu and let them pick some dishes.”

            “Or we can go to one we frequent and instruct them,” Julia says.

            “Open their eyes to new experiences?”  Hui Lang asks, her eyes glinting mischievously as she studies her friend.

            “Why not?”  Julia’s question sounds more like a challenge and she regrets the tone.  But everyone seems to agree.

            “Let us Easternize these Westerners,” Xi Jie finally says.  “Even if that proves to be an impossible task.”

            “But one way to judge a person’s character is through their stomachs,” Hui Lang says, and then to Julia, “Isn’t that right, Chao Ru?”

            Julia ignores the veiled meaning and settles on the restaurant.  She then finds herself with Rebecca and Mongyuan in Anthony’s car while Hui Lang and Xi Jie travel in a taxi with Frank.  Rebecca sits in front with Anthony so Julia slides in next to Mongyuan in the back.  It is then, for the first time that evening, that she notices Mongyuan’s eyes.  They are uncertain and lost, like a child in a strange house without her parents.  Suddenly Julia feels guilty because she realizes that she has neglected one of her friends.  “You’re not having a good time,” she says.

            “It’s not that,” Mongyuan answers.  “It’s just when you all speak English, my head spins.  I just can’t keep up.”

            “It is hard, I know.”

            “Yes, but I seem to suffer the most,” Mongyuan says in frustration.  “Xi Jie does not understand that much, either, but it does not bother her.  She adapts better to these kinds of situations than I do.  I guess that’s her dancer’s training.  But me, I take this harder.”

            “You always put such pressure on yourself.”

            “Don’t we all?”  Mongyuan asks.  “Is that not our way?”

            “And I have ignored you all evening,” Julia says, wondering if she feels bad about this act of omission or the fact that she doesn’t feel as guilty about it as she thinks she should.

            “It’s all right,” Mongyuan says.  “You have friends in two languages now and ones like me who are still trapped in one voice cannot expect to be included in both your worlds.”

            Julia reaches out and takes Mongyuan’s hand in hers.  She gently squeezes it and Mongyuan, smiling bravely, squeezes back.

            Anthony meanwhile tries to listen to Rebecca but his mind keeps being distracted by the Chinese voices in the back.  He wonders what they’re saying and then thinks that life with these people would be filled with moments like this when the language being spoken by all around him would be foreign to his ears even though he would be in the middle of his native country.  There would be so much said that he could not understand.  Could he handle that?

            “You managed to survive the concert,” Rebecca says.  “Now do you think you can find a parking space?”

            “That is always the big question around here,” he answers, looking at her but with one ear still tuned into the back. 

            “Of course, we could have had this problem magnified by two,” Rebecca says, “if Frank had a car, too.  So we are lucky we are using a cab.”

            Anthony looks at her a second and then says, “Multiplied.”

            “Multiplied?”  she asks.  “Why not magnified?  Isn’t it bigger?”

            “Yeah, but we’re talking about an increase in number, not one car but two, not size as in a small to a medium.”

            “Oh,” and she nods.  “That makes sense.”

            He nods, but the Chinese keeps distracting him.  His eyes move to the rearview mirror and he watches Julia’s mouth moving, emitting those sounds, and his mind begins to wander.  This is not healthy, he tells himself, and he pulls back to focus on Rebecca, on the traffic, on the quest for a parking space, on familiar ground.

 

 

            Dinner begins with soup.  It is not wonton or hot and sour or egg drop as Anthony and Frank are accustomed but broth with pork kidney, bok choy and pickled vegetables.  There is also jelly fish and glutinous puffs and belt fish for appetizers and dishes of squid and vegetables, scallops and squash, pork and bean curd, beef tripe, clams in black bean sauce, and steamed flounder follow.  And though the food is delicious, it cannot compare in Anthony’s mind to the way the women had debated and discussed each dish before ordering, trying to create a truly memorable dinner for the two Americans.  That, for him, would be the one memory he would keep locked away in his heart.

            Frank, meanwhile, quizzes everyone on what exactly everything is, and how each is cooked.

            “Do you cook?”  Hui Lang asks.

            “Mostly Italian,” he says.  “And I do many things with chicken.”

            “And seafood?”

            “I love all kinds of seafood but the only thing I make is clam sauce, both red and white.”

            “Shanghai people love seafood,” Julia says.  “It is because we are a port, I suppose.”

            “Italians love seafood, too,” Frank says.  “All the men in our families used to go fishing in the Long Island Sound.  It was their way of bonding.”

            “My father used to fish all the time,” Julia says.  “He would take me with him when I was a little girl and teach me songs to sing that would attract the fish.”

            “Did it work?”

            “I believed so then,” she laughs.  “But now I am older and wiser and know better.”

            “I wonder if we ever know better,” Rebecca says.

            “Wondering is a step in the right direction,” Anthony says.  “Besides, singing probably didn’t hurt.”

            “That would depend on who’s singing,” Frank says.  “If I sang, for instance, you wouldn’t be able to find a fish within a twenty mile radius.”

            “And if I sang,” Rebecca says, “they would jump on shore to silence me.”

            “You two are both the extreme cases of fishing and singing,” Anthony says.  “The yin and yang of sing fishing, so to speak.  Most of the rest of us fall somewhere in the middle.”

            “Except for me,” Hui Lang says.  “I don’t fish at all.  I just enjoy the labor of others.”

            “And that might qualify you as the cleverest one since you enjoy what the others enjoy without doing the work,” Rebecca says.

            The steamed flounder arrives and is immediately a big hit with the men.  “I’ve had flounder ever since I was a kid but always breaded and pan-fried or else baked or broiled but this is a hundred times better,” Anthony says.  “It’s so tender and juicy that it tastes like another fish.”

            And the women, of course, all marvel at the men’s use of chopsticks, or at least all of them marvel except Rebecca and Julia who both know better.  “So adept,” Xi Jie says.

            “Like Chinese,” Hui Lang adds.

            “It’s because they’re New Yorkers,” Rebecca explains.  “They pick up many foreign habits.”

            “Yes,” Julia agrees.  “It’s the advantage of being a port of entry.”

            Anthony and Frank exchange a look and then Anthony asks, “You’re not talking about us, are you?  I mean I only ask because you all keep looking at us as you talk and it’s making Frank self-conscious.”

            “Not self-conscious so much as curious,” Frank says.

            “We are admiring your skill with chopsticks,” Hui Lang says.

            “Oh,” Frank sighs.  “I thought it was my other charms.”

            “What other charms?”  Anthony asks.

            “That’s why I was curious,” Frank says.  “I wanted to find out, too.”

            And finally they get red bean soup for dessert in addition to the sliced oranges and fortune cookies the men are used to.

            “I’ve never had this before,” Anthony says.

            “That’s because they don’t think Americans would like it,” Julia explains.  “But it is traditional in China during the winter months.”

            “You get red beans in winter,” Rebecca explains, “and green beans in summer.  One is to raise your body temperature and the other is to cool it down.”

            “I was always suspicious that there were two menus,” Frank says, “but not two color beans.”

            The evening ends at Julia’s place where they all drink tea and nibble on pineapple cakes and fruit while Rachmaninov plays softly in the background.  There is a kind of melancholy in the air as the two Americans finally leave with Rebecca.  It’s almost as if they all want to prolong the connection that was made as long as possible.  A door has been opened and they have all peeked inside.  A certain amount of solidarity has been reached that was not expected and this causes the lingering sadness.  The cold winter air does what it can to take that away.

 

 

            Later, as Anthony drops Frank off at his apartment, he looks over and asks, “So what did you think?”

            “Well,” Frank answers, “I did miss the costumes and the sets.”

            “Uh huh.”

            “But the food made up for it.  Especially the steamed flounder.”

            “Yeah,” Anthony agrees.  “That was a high point.”

            “‘Course the company wasn’t bad, either.”

            “No,” he nods.  “It wasn’t.”

            “Yeah,” Frank says and sighs.  “You are going to have to watch yourself there, partner.”  He looks over and their eyes meet.  “Know what I mean?”

            “I think I might have crossed the line already.”

            “I don’t mean about how you feel,” he says, “because you’d have to be crazy not to feel what you’re beginning to feel.  No, I mean about how you handle it.”

            “Ahhhh,” and Anthony’s hand loosely rubs the steering wheel.  “That’s always the tricky part.”

            “And old dogs have a hard time with tricky parts.”

            “Yeah, and from one old dog to another, you got any advice?”

            “Even if I did, I don’t think you ought to take it.  After all, I’m living alone, too.  So you see how successful I’ve been in this business.”

            “Hmmmm.”  Anthony stares out the windshield while Frank stares at him.  “I think,” he says finally, “I might be out of my element.”

            “It’s certainly a different world than the one we’re used to,” Frank agrees.  “And I have a feeling we just saw the tip of the iceberg.”

            Anthony looks over at him.  “So you think I should sidestep this.”

            “I didn’t say that,” Frank says.  “I just said watch yourself.  This will require more dexterity on your part.  So if you’re serious, be careful.”

            “I’m serious,” Anthony says.  “I think she’s the most interesting woman I’ve met in a long time.”

            “No doubt about it.  But she’s different than you’re used to so proceed with caution.  You don’t want to cause any unnecessary pain through misunderstanding, right?”
            “Right.”

            “So do more research before you try to draw any conclusions.  Okay?”

            Anthony nods.  “Okay.”

            “And next time you need moral support, call me.”  Frank grins.  “Especially if it includes eating out.”  And with that, he departs. 

            Anthony sits a minute in front of his building with his car idling.  Then he straightens up and puts the car in drive.  He takes a short breath and touches the gas pedal.  The car moves into the night.

 

 

 

            Julia sits in her apartment watching Mongyuan sleep.  She thinks it will be better for her once Mongyuan moves into a place of her own next week.  She never thought she would want her friend to leave so soon but this evening’s outing made her realize how her world, her life is changing here in this country.  Mongyuan’s inability to participate fully was only a further indication for Julia of her own estrangement with her old life in China.  She is still not fully integrated into American society but she feels she could be, should be a part of it.  There is a bridge she must cross and her intuition tells her that her new American friend can help with that crossing.  She will need her life in order at home before she can begin to change.  Mongyuan’s presence confines her movements and so she needs the space cleared of obstacles to her growth.  For she is beginning to see Anthony’s face when she least expects to, and thinks it might be more convenient to live alone again if this new friendship is to grow into anything else. 

            And when she stares across the room at the shadows along the wall, her body tingles with expectation.  She closes her eyes as the tingling spreads.  She begins to smile.

 

 

 

 

an excerpt from Istanbul Days, Istanbul Nights

     Image

          “I’m sorry to leave you alone to do all this tedious work,” Michael says as he returns to his office to find İrem still making lists.

            “Oh, I don’t mind,” she says.

            “Really?” and he looks skeptical.  “Anyway, let me buy you dinner as a reward.  That is, if you don’t have any other plans.”

            “That’d be great,” she says.  “But I must warn you, I’m pretty hungry.”

            “Me, too,” he says.  “But you sure you don’t have other plans?”

            “No,” and she smiles.  “I have no other plans.”

            “Well,” and he grabs his coat from the rack on the back of the door, “let’s blow this pop stand then.”

 

            Dave is standing outside the school debating about what to do for dinner exactly when Katja comes out wearing her leotards under a loose fitting skirt and sweater.  “Hi,” he says. 

            “Hi,” she answers.

            “You look a little lost,” he says smiling.  “Been a tough day?”

            “Yes and no,” and she returns the smile but it’s a little weak along the edges.  “Just contemplating what to do for dinner.”

            “Oh, is that all?” and he laughs.  “Here I thought it was something more serious.”

            “Well,” and Katja’s smile starts to fade, “dinner is pretty serious stuff when you live alone.”

            “Tell me about it.”

            “Do you have this problem, too?”

            “Frequently,” he says.  “It can be one of the loneliest times of the day.  But,” and here his smile turns on the old charm, “if you have no plans tonight, how about solving this problem by joining me?”

            “Is that an invitation?”

            “You bet.”

            She looks at him for a moment, then seems to come to a decision in her heads and says, “I’m dressed rather informally so it can’t be any place fancy.”

            “We could go to Taksim,” he says.  “There are many informal places there.”

            “And they serve alcohol, too,” she says.

            “My thoughts exactly.”

            And she brushes back her hair and says, “Then what are we waiting for?”

            And off they go looking for a taxi.

 

            Philip meets Brenda for dinner on Bagdat Street.  “Well there certainly are several choices here for coffee at a Starbuck’s,” he says.  “But where do you recommend for dinner?”

            “There’s a nice kebab place that isn’t expensive we could try,” she says.

            “Do they serve beer?”

            “Yes, they do.”

            “Then that sounds divine.”

            “You’re certainly easy to please,” she says laughing.

            “When it comes to food anyway,” he says.  “I’m a bit more picky with the beer, but I’m sure, this being Turkey, they’ll have Efes on tap.”

            And as they make their way to the restaurant, Philip can’t help but notice how different the crowds walking up and down the avenue are than in his neighborhood of Kadikoy.  “A bit upscale here,” he remarks.  “And quite trendy, too.”

            “Yes,” Brenda says.  “It’s a great street for a woman to lose herself trying on shoes.”

            “Something I’ve always found fascinating but never could identify with myself.”

            “You mean you don’t like trying on shoes,” she teases. 

            “Right,” he says, stopping to light another cigarette.  “I think I own 2 pair myself.  One black, these here on my feet,” he says, pointing down at his feet.  “And the other brown.”  He stops and reflects for a second.  “I did have a pair of boots once but I fear I have left them somewhere in London.”

            “You poor boy,” Brenda says, consoling him.  “Not even a pair of slippers?”

            “Ah yes,” he says.  “I have one pair of those at home here.  Do they count as well?”

            “We are speaking of anything in the category of footwear,” she says, “so yes, they count.”

            “Three pair then,” he says.  “And they’re brown as well.  Very comfortable, too.  A bit of fleece lining, you see.”

            She laughs and then stops in front of a kebab house called Günaydin.  “How’s this?” she asks.

            “Good Morning,” he says.  “I’m not sure this is appropriate for this time of day but I’ll overlook the hour if you will.”

            “Then we have arrived,” she says and patiently waits for him to finish his cigarette before entering.

 

            Meanwhile Deniz and Meric are sitting in a rather noisy bar in Taksim drinking: she white wine and he beer, while nibbling on mezes of eggplant puree, deep-fried oysters, and sucuk with fries.

            “They say these are good for one’s sexual prowess,” Deniz says as she pops an oyster into her mouth.

            “Really?” Meric says, his eyes widening a bit.  “Perhaps we should order another dish.”

            “But they should be raw,” she says, laughing.  “I’m not sure they work like this.”

            “Ah well, I’m young yet and don’t really need such aids,” and he winks at her.

            “And you feel that is necessary to tell me,” she says.

            “I think it’s important to fill you in on all my vital statistics,” he says.

            “Oh?” and her eyebrow rises over her right eye.  “And do you have a resume to offer for me to peruse in my spare time listing all your experiences, your strengths, weaknesses, bad habits, etc.?”

            “I could supply one, if you need,” he says.  “With references, of course.”

            “Of course,” she says.  “At least three.”

            “Not more?”

            “Well, more is always better, but let’s not overdo it.”

            “Oh, I don’t want to overdo anything,” he says.

            “Not anything?” she asks, that eyebrow rising again.

            “Well, nothing that isn’t requested,” he says.

            “And you think I need to know all this?” she asks, a playful glint in her eyes.

            “Most definitely,” he says, gravely serious in tone.  “I don’t want to make any promises I cannot keep.”

            “And you are a man of your word?”

            “I have been trying to tell you that for quite some time now.”

            “Hmmm,” she goes.  “This is all very interesting.  I will have to take it under advisement.”

            “But hopefully you won’t delay too long,” he says.  “You know the old poem about gathering rose buds while you may because otherwise they begin to wilt so it’s especially prudent to enjoy them while you can.”

            “In season, you mean,” she says.

            “Exactly,” Meric says. 

            “And is this the proper season?”

            “As far as this particular rose bud is concerned,” and he grins.

            “Hmmm,” she goes.  “I think I need to dwell on that while having another glass of wine.”

            “And more oysters?” he asks.

            “Yes,” she says.  “I think we need more of those, too.”

            And whether one would see Meric as a rose bud or not, he certainly feels himself to be blooming.

 

 

 

 

            Pelin, meanwhile, hovers in the background, her mouth watering for more than oysters, her heart beating wildly against her chest as she watches a seduction in progress she wishes were her own.  And yet as she sees Meric, in her mind, becoming half of a couple, she is only more acutely aware of how alone she truly is.

 

 

 

            Murat sits alone at a tavern in Bebek, drinking raki and watching people walk by on the street outside.  He can’t help but remember how he used to sit here, at this very same tavern, with Sönmez drinking raki while she drank beer and they would invent stories about the people passing by and laugh uncontrollably, touching each other under the table and whispering into and licking each other’s ears.  They couldn’t wait to get home in those days to rip off each other’s clothing and make mad, passionate love on the floor, in chairs, across the kitchen table, and finally end up in bed where they would sleep wrapped in each other’s arms, their legs intertwined, until morning.  He can’t help but wonder what happened to those days, those nights, and thinks it isn’t just the children, that there had to be some underlying cause before that.  But no matter how much scrutiny he applies to his memories of those times, he just cannot see any indication of where it changed, what went wrong, what missing ingredient there might have been in their chemistry to cause this reversal.  Just how did he happen to find himself here alone, drinking raki, and whispering to no one?

 

 

            Michael watches in amazement once again as İrem charms the waiters at his favorite fish restaurant, The Hamsi Pub.  They are usually very solicitous of him since he is a regular customer but she always utterly captivates them all, their eyes constantly settling on their table to see if they need anything, refilling the water glasses and the wine glasses before they are even half empty, bringing over a second basket of fresh bread, deboning the fish, and blushing slightly when she speaks to them in that casual manner of a lifelong friend.  He can’t help but think she is very sophisticated and credits that to her experience living alone overseas as well as here in Istanbul, far from her family in Izmir.  And though he hates the thought of her leaving him, he knows she is a star in the making, destined for bigger things than staying here to work under him.  And that thought saddens him and dims the glow he has been feeling in his heart.

            She, however, looks at him for a moment and then asks, “What?”

            “Huh?” he says.

            “What are you thinking that’s made your mood change?” she says, her head tilted slightly, a look he can’t quite recognize in her eyes.

            “Nothing,” he lies, then shifts in his chair.  “Well, yes, actually maybe something.”

            “Go ahead then,” she says.  “I promise not to bite.”

            “You bite?” he asks.

            “Only people I don’t like,” he says, “so you have nothing to worry about.”

            “That’s good,” he says, sighing with mock relief.  “It certainly wouldn’t do for a constructive working arrangement.”

            “I think we have more than a constructive working arrangement,” she says.

            “We do, of course,” he says, a little surprised by her perception but then realizing she always surprises him by her ability to read his thoughts.

            “Yes,” she says.  “I admire and respect you, and hope to learn a great deal from you.  But I also like you very much and always think of you as my friend.”

            And here the terrain becomes a little difficult for him, that no man’s land that stretches out between colleague and friend, working relationships that grow deeper than that, deep enough to develop into evenings like this, ones he finds he cannot bear to think will end, but knows instinctively they must.  But boundaries have been crossed, barriers erased, and she has become an important part of his life here, and that frightens him a bit.

            “Did I say something wrong?” she asks, staring at him with those eyes that appear older and wiser than he had previously thought, or at least had not consciously acknowledged.

            “No,” he says.

            “Then what is it?” she asks.

            “I was just thinking about the play,” he lies again, and thinks he should perhaps feel guilty about this deception, but knows no other way around a conversation he would rather not have at present.

            “What about the play?”

            “Just images,” he says.  “You know, these images I have keep interrupting my thoughts, bringing disorder to my days.”

            “You’re obsessing about the play,” she says.  “Didn’t you once tell me that when you start dreaming about your work, it’s time to quit?”

            “My Uncle Mike used to say that actually,” Michael says.

            “Do you always quote your Uncle Mike?”

            “He was my favorite uncle,” Michael says. 

            “And what did he do?”

            “He worked as a supervisor for New Jersey Bell,” Michael says.  “Which is, of course, not the same thing I do.  Except maybe they’re both related to communication.”

            İrem studies him carefully and then says, “So you don’t plan on quitting, I take it.”

            “The thought never entered my mind.”

            “So maybe you’d like to share some of these images with me?” she asks.

            “Not now,” he says.  “Now let’s just have some more wine.  I’d rather forget work right now and just enjoy a pleasant evening with you.”

            “What a splendid idea,” she says and reaches over for the wine bottle but before she can touch it, a waiter comes out of nowhere and pours them each another glassful before retreating again.

            “So,” he says lifting his wine glass, “to a good year ahead and both of us getting what we wish.”

            And İrem taps her glass against his and adds, “Insallah.”

 

            Dave leans back in his chair content as the waiters begin clearing the table.  “Well,” he says, “this was certainly much better than eating alone.”

            “It seems to me the food always tastes better when shared, don’t you think?” Katja asks.

            “Yes,” he says.  “And that was especially true tonight.”

            Katja laughs.  “You are a flatterer, I think,” she says.

            “Yes,” he acknowledges, “but not in this case.  With you, there’s no need to flatter.”

            “That’s very sweet of you to say,” she says, but her smile is not as bright as he had hoped.  Instead there’s that tinge of sadness tugging at its corners that no one, including Dave, can seem to wipe away for more than an instant, a fleeting second, the blink of an eye.

            Dave reaches over to the wine bottle and refills both their glasses.  Then, having second thoughts as he looks at her sad, tired eyes, he says, “I really shouldn’t encourage you to drink any more.  You look so tired that perhaps some coffee would be a better idea.  Or,” and he smiles tenderly her way, “maybe we should call it a night and you should go home to get some rest.”

            “No, I’m okay,” she says, her head slowly rising so that her eyes can see into his.  “I’m just not getting a lot of sleep these days.”

            “Anything you want to talk about?” he asks.

            “I don’t know if I can, but,” and she smiles tenderly his way, “I really appreciate the fact that you asked.”

            “Hey,” he says, “we are becoming friends, aren’t we?  And isn’t that what friends are for?”

            “You are too kind.”

            “No,” he says. “I am not too kind.  I try to be kind enough.”

            “Well, you are successful,” and that sad smile again.  “At least where I am concerned anyway.”

            And they sip their wine, sit in silence, each lost in thought.  He gazes at her, her face turned away slightly, her eyes lost in some distant memory, her full lips partially open, her face so beautiful it takes his breath away.  There is so much to fall in love with, he thinks, and then slaps himself in his mind to keep himself grounded in reality.  Trouble, he thinks.  There is too much trouble here, too much work, the recesses too deep for him to fathom, and so he tries hard to avoid the pitfall, looks away from her strong cheekbones, the length of her neck, the way her hair falls effortlessly onto her shoulders.  And he lets the silence speak volumes for him, for her, for them.

 

            Brenda feels extremely comfortable with Philip, safe and secure, an older man from her own country who exudes empathy toward her, not sympathy which she would not appreciate, but empathy which is quite a different thing, the ability to look at life and her situation from her perspective and thus understand her.  And she does not find him unattractive, though she is not necessarily attracted to older men, or at least not a whole generation ahead of her, her father’s generation, and there have been men from that generation that have seriously flirted with her, even going so far as to ogling her on the tubes, or on the street, or even while at a restaurant with Mark, but she has never really seriously considered a relationship with someone that old, though Philip is certainly cultured, intelligent, and handsome, also unattached, though there seems to be something not quite right with the picture, as they say, and so before she starts thinking about the possibility, she must first clear up this mystery.

            “I really enjoy your company,” she says, though thinks that’s a rather lame way to start a flirtation, and realizes just how out of practice she is in this potential dating game.

            “Yes,” he says, “and I enjoy yours.”

            “It’s just that I haven’t really felt comfortable with men since my divorce,” she says.  “Actually it probably goes back further than that.  I was never really very good at dating even before Mark.  And he certainly didn’t help increase my confidence since the lack of physical compatibility has almost made me self-conscious with men.”

            “Well it seems to me you’re best out of that marriage.  You’re sure to find someone who can stimulate you here.”

            “You think so?” she says.

            “Oh yes,” he nods.  “You’re charming, quite beautiful, intelligent, with a stable job and income.  Believe me, you’re quite the catch.”

            “Really?” she asks.  “I just never seem to think of myself that way.”

            “But you are,” he says emphatically.

            “And you think men will find me attractive?”

            “Of course they will.”

            “Do you find me attractive?”

            “Well I would,” he says, “if I were so inclined that way.  But,” and he smiles, “I’m not.”

            “Inclined what way?” she asks, slightly confused by that expression.

            “Inclined toward women,” he says.  “But, you see, I prefer the other gender.”

            “Oh,” she says, almost embarrassed at her own stupidity.  “I didn’t realize.”

            “No?” he asks, almost as surprised as she is.  “But I thought you knew.  It’s clear if you’ve read my CV.  I mean, it’s what I write about.”

            “Oh, well I haven’t read it,” she says.  “Nor have I read anyone’s, actually.  Oh, how silly of me.”

            “No,” he laughs.  “No harm done.  But again, to answer your question, yes, I would find you quite attractive if I were so inclined.  So I really wouldn’t worry about finding men here.  They will, I’m positive, come flocking soon enough.”

            “You really think so?” she asks.

            “Yes,” he says.  “As soon as you open yourself up to the possibility.  You know, begin to dress a little more provocatively and start flirting with the single men.  And go to clubs and such where you’ll meet them.”

            “I’d feel a little awkward doing that here,” she says.

            “Well I’ll accompany you, if you’d like, so you’ll be safe.  Would you like that?”

            “You wouldn’t mind?”

            “Of course not,” and he smiles.  “I’m not actively on the prowl myself but I certainly have no objection to window shopping.”

            And Brenda can’t help but laugh.

 

           

            Meric has Deniz twirling on the dance floor, doing shots of schnapps in beer, and laughing at his impersonations of Turkish pop stars.  She thinks he is perhaps the funniest, most charming man she’s met in a long time and finds her sides hurt from laughing, her legs ache from dancing, her head is spinning from the alcohol.  And when she finds herself out on the streets of Kadikoy with him in the hours long past midnight, eating Anatolian style food in a place called Ali Riza, she is hungry for more than the white beans and pilaf on her plate, and he navigates the way to his apartment in Acibadem where he slowly undresses her, caressing the nipples of her breasts, burying his head between her legs, her mouth sucking in air, and the night closes around them and only their breathing, their sighs, cries of delight, follow them to morning.

 

 

            Pelin is on the street below, watching the light turn on, then off in Meric’s apartment, her heart breaking in pieces in her chest.  She has trouble breathing as she starts what seems to her the longest walk in her life back to the bus depot, and home to her lonely bed.

 

 

            Murat is numb with raki as he fumbles with his keys in the lock, bumps his way into the apartment, collapses on the couch, his jacket dropped on the floor, his shirt partially unbuttoned, his shoes lost somewhere in the hall.  He wishes he had someone to hold his head so it would stop spinning but there is no one there, just the darkness, the couch, the sound of someone crying.  And as he falls off into a troubled sleep, he is suddenly aware the person crying is himself.

 

            Dave dreams of doors closing, footsteps on the stairs, a car door shutting somewhere on a street long, long ago.  He is standing in his living room, a glass in his hand, music coming from a far wall, a clock dropping digits on a nightstand that stands forlornly beside an empty bed with sheets as cold as a January morning in a room he hesitates to enter.  And the loneliness that plagues him from house to house, state to state, now country to country, is what he wakes to, along with his stifled sobs, on another chilly morning, in another bed, alone.

 

            Katja tosses and turns in the night.  Her dreams are so vivid, the faces that surround her, the arms that hold and comfort her, so real, she surrenders to the illusion.  There is Hasan, his dark, curly hair falling across her face as he holds her ever so tightly against him, cradling her in his arms and whispering, “I love you” in her ear, and slowly, ever so slowly, rocking her to the rhythm of his breathing until her breathing matches his, their breathing becoming one breath, they becoming one person, there in the night, in their bed, a haven safe from the world of screaming women, frightened children, from dark men in dirty military uniforms banging on doors outside.  And the fitfulness of her sleep dissipates and the world is once again full of hope and peace.

            But this does not last for Hasan is ephemeral, a ghost in the night, and he disappears as the night progresses, a vapor, no longer a presence in her life.  And the terror returns, her heart, her breath constricts, and she shrivels up into a ball in the center of the bed, hoping to withdraw so far inward that the fear will not find her. 

           

 

            Brenda wakes to the phone ringing.  She can see by the Caller ID that it is London calling.  It is 5 am there and she knows it is Mark.  Another restless night for him, she supposes, and more tortured love poems that he’ll send in an email and that she will delete without reading.  She wishes it would end but knows it will not, not for a long time yet to come, for he is relishing his pain too much, and then feeds on that pain to write more poems.  He will continue till he gets a book out of it, she supposes, which will bring him many female admirers who will wish to soothe his pain away.

            She waits for the phone to stop ringing, then turns it off.  She closes her eyes and turns over in the bed.  She pulls the comforter up around her shoulders and wills herself back to sleep. 

 

            Philip sits on his balcony looking out as dawn lights the street below.  He has a glass of cay in his hand, his robe pulled tight against his body, his slippers dangling from his bare feet.  He thinks he should get dressed soon, and go out for his morning stroll.  This is his favorite part of the day when the city is not quite awake but still a bit groggy in the day’s first light.  He likes it groggy, its citizens not up yet, though Istanbul, unlike London or New York, is not wary of strangers, and though aware of the foreigner among them, lets him roam about its ancient streets unmolested, undisturbed.

 

 

            Michael sits in silence on a bench by the water watching the ships that lay out on the water, motionless and dark.  He likes watching the ships, the gulls as they glide and swoop out over the sea, their cries like babies calling out for attention.  He has not slept much in the night, having risen way before dawn to shuffle around his apartment, make notes on the play, dwell on the images in his mind.  He thinks it is past Thanksgiving back in America, and his brothers had celebrated yet another holiday without him at the table, drinking wine and trying not to talk with his mouth full.  He missed the holiday again this year, as he missed the others last year, as he’ll miss the ones yet to come.

            His eyes, though, are almost vacant, yet a spark glows there, somewhere, in that part of the eye that sees either the future or the past, depending on who is looking and the circumstances surrounding their gaze.  With Michael, though, here, the circumstances are primarily pensive and thus he is lingering in the past, both distant and only just recent, images circling around in his brain, of faces, both lovers and friends, and some names he cannot quite recall, and others he would like to forget.  And those eyes grow heavy, there on the bench.  And he closes them as he feels the breeze on his face, hears the gulls in his ears.

 

            And finally to İrem who is up in her kitchen making menemen, adding a touch of crushed red pepper, and tiny bits of meat and green peppers.  She will taste it in a minute to make sure there is enough salt, then scoop it into a container to bring to Michael at school, a surprise in his day.  She knows he will be there, even though it is a weekend, annotating his script, staring at his charts, nibbling on a pencil as he leans back in his chair, and feeling a gnawing in his stomach because he has, as usual, forgot to eat.  She knows his habits, his routines, and though she doesn’t want to change anything about him, she does want to make sure he eats.  And they will eat together, this morning, as she helps him work on the play, and slowly, very surely, remain a part of his life.