on listening to old music

It is no surprise to anyone that music triggers emotions, memories, associations we would either relish or wish to avoid, and I must admit to punishing myself periodically by my choice of CDs I play. I once had over a thousand records and now my CD collection outnumbers that and so often I stare at the shelves without any thought in my head trying to pick something to kickstart the day or put the evening to bed. And this morning, after righting my scooter which was knocked over by the ferocious wind that blows here for the third time in two days, I decided I needed some oldtime memories of a different life, one I often contemplate on returning to in some fashion, and so I turned to the R’s: Tom Rush, Leon Russell, Tom Russell, Linda Ronstadt, and the Stones (that’s in Rolling for anyone who was born in a different universe than me) and, for some unexplained reason, Hall & Oates which was not in the R’s but lying on a bookcase waiting to be slipped into my DVD changer one day. Now that one started off the set which is probably why I went from lacing my coffee with Baileys to shots of Tullamore Dew chased down by ice cold water before the noon hour. Always a bad idea but since I do not work on Mondays anymore and thus have that day off, too, I figured whatever residue of whiskey still floating through my blood stream could not impair my judgment in anything other than deciding what to eat for dinner tomorrow since the broccoli my neighbor bought me yesterday at the open market pretty much handles that decision for today.

Anyway, back to music. These songs, these artists, bring back pictures in my mind, conversations long left unfinished ages ago drifting through what’s left of my memory, and I start dancing, of course, to Delta Lady and now, quite exhausted, the whiskey, you know, does do something to the stamina, but feeling quite conflicted, but not necessarily in a bad way, just in that way that regret mixed with remorse with a touch of satisfaction has on one’s sense of wellbeing. And I finally begin to understand why a certain Chinese poet has been talking to me of late through the centuries and think of Jeff Schwaner who has had similar conversations with a Chinese poet from the same dynasty and though I do not plan to resurrect my soulmate like he did, I have a deeper appreciation of his art, or I should say of their art, and thus have finally made up my mind to accept my comrade-in-arms Randy Signor’s suggestion of a reunion with Jimmy Powell before the three of us go to that darkness that awaits us all, and to take my place once again in the struggle I walked away from, and so will go stand in that wind right after I post this, barechested, barefoot, in just my sweatpants, and dare that creator who has unleashed this wind upon us here in Izmir, Turkey, to try and knock me over if He/She can.

lately, once again

lately
I find the night
does not end
quite as quickly
as before
and sleep
my wayward friend
is vacant
from my bed
I read
put the headphones on
drift off
to somewhere long ago
nibble on cheese
crackers
have a shot
or two
of the Irish
chase it down
with ice cold water
and long
yes, long
for being useful
once again

on what’s at the end of rainbows

rainbow

I’m not looking for that pot of gold or the Land of Oz or even that promise of home and the fulfillment of whatever dreams are still floating inside my head and heart, wistfully evoked by Judy Garland and so many other singers over the years in song, no, not looking anymore. Or at least that’s what I thought not so long ago. But the sight of one in the sky on a morning after a long rain, well it does do something to everyone, causing smiles, sighs, that glaze over the eyes when one is transported somewhere other than where one is. And I spent a minute or two staring pensively out the window at that sky, that rainbow stretching across it in a corner of my universe, and I couldn’t help but think I’m not through journeying just yet. The years have crept up on me and slowed my ability to leave the comfort of the bed in the morning but not the aching in my heart that longs for rainbows, a few true companions, and possibly a flask or two of lubrication to help propel me down that road, whether made of yellow bricks, asphalt, clay, trodden grass, or dirt, to look for something not found where I am. Something that never seems to be found wherever it is I am. Rainbows, roads, journeys.  And a voice whispering in my ear saying not done yet, old timer. Not now or ever, or at least not till you finally get to the end of some rainbow in the sky and can lay your head, close your eyes, and rest on whatever waits for you there.

on justice: for Ali

justice
you ask
where is it
as if it were
in hiding
in some corner
under the bed
around the block
behind that tree
you look confused
in your pain
you who believe
in a moral code
find it lacking
in others
not in another life
you say
but here now
let there be
justice
to whom though
can you plea
when the world
the heavens
don’t hear
and justice
is not blind
just nonexistent
a foreign concept
in an alien land

waiting for the sun to rise

once
many many years ago
I sat on the beach
in Santa Monica
with Gordon Anderson
waiting to see the sunrise
we had a bottle of scotch
or maybe bourbon
with us
and waited the whole night
till morning
sometime
in the early hours
as it became light
all around us
and there was no sun
in the sky
we realized the sun
rose in the east
and set in the west
we were on the wrong coast
for what we were expecting
a lesson there
I learned
either you change your expectations
or your coast
a lesson here
I am learning
all over
again

when it comes

violence
when it comes
does not look
to the side
or behind
but straight ahead
to the heart
of the thing
takes that heart
for all
it will ever
be worth
blots it out
moves on
unrepentant
further down
the line