the 5th of the month
slipped by and I
almost unaware
of what it means meant
perhaps it was New Years
lingering still
with its too many
associations of things
gone wrong
and the knowledge
that January
has always been
for me
a long long month
to endure
with dates I cannot
confront alone
and yet alone
is how I confront
them now
the 29th still
looming in the near
future the past
and all this
other stuff
circling around
my head
cannot dim
that memory
perhaps alone
is best
because big boys
you know
at least in public
and I am
a big boy
after all
in public
these days