always there
that ghost
in front of me
memory
the other side of loss a lifetime ago
there you are
that black hair
that touches your waist
swaying as you walk
side to side to side
the guy though
by your side
here in Izmir
lacks the swagger
of a youthful me
no long hair
blowing in the breeze
or Fu Manchu
framing the grin
so he’s not me
she’s not you
just a lookalike
four decades later
and thousands of miles
on the other side of loss
a lifetime ago
that ongoing carnival
the mind
alive
restlessly searching
the past the present
here there
everywhere
a Beatles’ song
all that overdubbing
until the image sought
lost
in that ongoing carnival
of memories
parading through
my mind
listening to Gene Pitney at one o’clock in the morning: for Steve
we’d sing along
to every cut
your croak
my wail
there in Ohio
a cornfield
our audience
youthful dreams
in our hearts
so long ago
we gonna be strong
going twenty-four hours
to Tulsa
hear me now
old friend
world without pity
my voice
to you
useless wishes
sometimes
on mornings
a whisper
of useless wishes
a drink
of bitter tea
the morning grey
an echo
in empty rooms
the weight
of years gone by
a thousand years ago on some coastline in the fall
there were dead fish
that crunched
under our feet
and a smell
that reminded me
of sardines
you were saying something
I couldn’t hear
because you were talking
into the wind
and now
a thousand years later
I think if I heard
what you said
it would have been different
then and now
but there were dead fish
distracting me
and that wind
a thousand years ago
on some coastline
in the fall
sleep comes
sleep comes
in fits
between hours
of memory
make the dreams go away
what does it take
how much should one ingest
to make the dreams
go away
like some song
drifting
through the channels
of my mind
like some song
heard one morning
and can’t quite lose
by night
remembering Phil
a true man
of vision
who when asked
by the army recruiter
what his IQ was
said
oh I can see
about a mile
Leonard Durso 