the 5th of the month
slipped by and I
almost unaware
of what it means meant
perhaps it was New Years
lingering still
with its too many
associations of things
gone wrong
and the knowledge
that January
has always been
for me
a long long month
to endure
with dates I cannot
confront alone
and yet alone
is how I confront
them now
the 29th still
looming in the near
future the past
and all this
other stuff
circling around
my head
cannot dim
that memory
perhaps alone
is best
because big boys
you know
at least in public
and I am
a big boy
after all
in public
these days


I have always been leery of January
filled with restless spirits
of those who have gone before
but lately it seems
that’s true of every month
so throw off superstitions
and damn you powers that be
let the wolves in
no campfire burning
here in the winter
of my years
I’m ready

on January

it must be the month
always a bit difficult
to bear
both parents died
in this month
at the beginning
and the end
the middle being
no piece of cake
there were birthdays
this month
of women once important
a sort of yin and yang month
once both light and dark
now all dark
and I hold my breath
as I near the end
watching the rear view mirror
for what’s coming
from behind
while keeping my hands steady
as I move forward
one tentative step
at a time
toward the promise
of an early spring