poised before the new year

I would like to have
only good memories
of this day
this time of year
but I just see hospitals
both parents dying
this first month bodes heartache
for me
so I approach January
like a door on a house
one fears might be haunted
for ghosts reside here
and though I see candlelight
a woman dancing naked
friends huddled around fondue pots
three floors of live bands
parties with casinos
and people dressed as elves
dinner at the Duck House
a woman in a tuxedo
and fishnet stockings
tap dancing her way
into my heart
there are still those ghosts
like birds of prey
waiting for another soul
to stumble to fall
in the desert
that is sometimes

11 thoughts on “poised before the new year

  1. Sometimes bad memories can haunt us years later. The brain works by wiring neural pathways based on associations and repetition of thought or behavioral patterns.

    If trauma occurs the brain will tend to wire it to things that were happening at the time….like holidays, songs, scents, objects and even time of the year.

    I know you wrote this one a few years ago, but you reblogged it now. The memories are still painful and hard to shake.

    If you can draw a different meaning to those pictures in your memory, it may change the stregth of the memory over you. Revisit the scenes and do something different that will make you feel more empowered.

    Like you are watching it on a tv screen and you have control over the script. Change things the actors do and say to make it more like you would have wanted.

    This is an NLP technique. It can be hard to do without guidance of a hypnotist. If you still stay bothered by these memories let me know.

    I would be willing to do a guided NLP hypnosis with you via phone or skype. I am practicing techniques I have learned and adapting to add my own.

    Much love,

    • Thank you, Annie. I actually do something similar to your NLP technique by retelling things that happened to me or others in my fiction. I often think that writing is a way to rearrange the past in the present to affect the future. And in so doing, it liberates you.

      • I had never thought of that. I will have to try that technique sometime. It should be just as effective as the other way, Once the “file” holding the memory is brought out in front you as a picture and altered somehow, it cannot go back the way it was before. You have more control over it.
        We are most often ruled by our subconscious brains. By allowing the conscious brain to see what the subconscious brain is doing and feeling, and why…then we can integrate them and reframe memories in a way that serves us better.

        Our memories are not accurate anyway. They are all perceptions filtered by biases and beliefs we held at the time, and also beliefs that were fed to us by other people.

        Nice chatting with you. My 12 year old daughter and I are going to Dominoes to get chicken parm subs now. I will be back later this evening….or later in the day to you πŸ™‚


      • I often think of the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall where you see a scene from a play he has written of his break-up with Annie and in the scene his character comes off so much smarter. Woody Allen then turns to the camera and says “it was my first play.” Now there you have someone taking control of his memories through writing.

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