“Lawrence, I been down to the hospital. Godawful mess. No shade, no room. They lying everywhere, out in the sun. They cuttin’ off arms and legs right out in the open, front of everybody, like they did at Fredericksburg. God, they ought to know better, they ought not to do that in public. Some of them people die. Man ought to have privacy at a time like that. You got to yell sometimes, you know? Lord . . .”
“Did you see Kilrain?”
Tom nodded. He sat with his back against the wall, the small stone wall this side of the dead horses, plucking grass. He sighed.
Chamberlain said, “How is he?”
“Well, Lawrence, he died.”
“Oh.” Chamberlain said. He blinked. The world came into focus. He could see leaves of the trees dark and sharp against the blue sky. He could smell the dead horses.
“He died this morning, ‘fore I got there. Couple of the boys was with him. He said to tell you goodbye and that he was sorry.”
Chamberlain nodded.
“It wasn’t the wounds. They say his heart give out.”
Chamberlain had stopped wrapping his bloody foot. Now he went on. But he could see the weary Irish face, the red-nosed leprechaun. Just one small drink, one wee pint of the cruel . . .
Tom said, “I tell you, Lawrence, I sure was fond of the man.”
“Yes,” Chamberlain said.
Tom said nothing more. He sat plucking grass. Chamberlain wrapped the foot. The moment was very quiet. He sat looking down at his bloody leg, feeling the gentle wind, the heat from the south, seeing Kilrain dead on a litter, no more the steady presence. Sometimes he believed in a Heaven, mostly he believed in a Heaven; there ought to be a Heaven for young soldiers, especially young soldiers, but just as surely for the old soldier; there ought to be more than just the metallic end, and then silence, then the worms, and sometimes he believed, mostly he believed, but just this moment he did not believe at all, knew Kilrain was dead and gone forever, that the grin had died and would not reappear, never, there was nothing beyond the sound of the guns but vast dark, the huge nothing, not even silence, just an end . . .
mostly He believed in Heaven ….
I find I identify with that sentiment, though perhaps more with “sometimes believed”.
Or seldom …
Even more accurate.
Wonderful excerpt. This writing reminded me of Carson McCullers. Thanks for sharing this!
Glad you liked it, Holly. A favorite of mine.
I really love that.
One of my favorite novels ever. I think Chamberlain’s charge down that hill (without ammunition) saved the Union. He was a rare leader.
That he was and had an interesting life afterwards. I, too, am a fan of this book and have just finished rereading it for the third time.
Yeah, I’ve also read it multiple times. I think he went on to be governor of Maine, until he finally died of the wounds he received in the war. The man was made of extraordinary stuff.
Yes, an exemplary life.